this world of ours is not as it seems

[girlinthebox]

WHO: River and OPEN
WHAT: Spooky little girl wandering around Skyhold.
WHEN: Late Wintermarch.
WHERE: Various locations around Skyhold.
NOTES: n/a

River has good days, and she has bad days. At times it feels like the swing of a pendulum, whose motions she can never truly calculate.

The good days have gotten progressively better. There are points of focus, people to talk to, to connect with. The Fade remains a presence, near-engulfing even when she's awake, but there's an opportunity to see past it, or perhaps more accurately to watch it layer against the people on this side of the Veil. Cole's compassion. Nerva's protectiveness. Zevran's cleverness. She thrives in their contact, stretching out without fear of it harming either Simon or herself, and simply allowed to be. It's a novel concept. She flits about the keep, often barefoot and the edges of her dress a little dirtier than they ought to be, her dark hair streaming behind her.

It's odd to think she has friends, yet it seems so. She feels their overlap and it feels like comfort, like warmth, and she doesn't want to untangle herself just yet.

But there are bad days.

She's more like a feral cat on those days, slinking just out of sight, out of reach. Either the noise has grown too loud inside her own head, or Simon's attempts to negate the worst of it leave her sluggish and more than a little bitter. Stumbling around like a child, slowed and lethargic. Those days she's not much good for anyone, though she tries to find those warm touchstones again. She lingers in the kitchens, in the hall, in the library or tavern, trying in vain to feel the vividness of those familiar voices again, blossoming bright like colors in her mind's eye.

She's little more than a shadow then. Huddled, hair in her face, staring outward blankly and through most passersby.

There are more good days than bad, thankfully. But every time she sinks brings doubt, creeping and gnawing. If she can't prevent herself from slipping, what happens if she falls?

Or is simply it a matter of when?

Comments

[girlinthebox]

"Turnips." River wrinkled her nose. "Turnips in the stew. Makes the meat go farther with so many to feed. Not enough, there's not enough to go around, Maker why aren't the stores large enough for all these people? Those forest rats are sneaking in while we're not looking, I know it."

Then her head snaps up, as though she's suddenly remembered something, and glances towards Christine. "...be careful of the cook," she finally manages.

[aceso]

River isn't wrong about the turnips in the stew, but Christine does her best to force them down along with anything else she doesn't like. It's what she did in the Circle too. The Tranquil made their food, but obviously they made no distinction between what tasted good and bad. Food was fuel, it sustained a person, and so taste was of little consequence.

"Why?" she asks, wondering what's wrong with the cook.

[girlinthebox]

"She isn't nice. She smiles because we look right to her." And that seems to be all River has to say about that really, her attention drifting somewhere to the side as they walked. What exactly it might be she was looking for was something of a mystery.

[aceso]

"Maybe she smiles because it's easier that having people ask her why she isn't," Christine muses aloud. She isn't the type to only look sour, but oft-times when she's absorbed in her work, people will think something is the matter by how her mouth looks. Knowing how that can be, she thinks to give the cook the benefit of the doubt.

[girlinthebox]

River doesn't argue, but the sideways glance she gives the blonde is enough. She's felt enough to know the truth, but sometimes? People think what they need to. Hadn't Bruce said something along those lines once? Project positivity in the hope that despair wouldn't crush you.

Doesn't matter. She still doesn't like what she feels coming off of the cook.

[aceso]

Christine doesn't argue with River's look. She will let River believe what she will too. And since they're at the kitchens anyway, she certainly isn't going to discuss the cook anymore, since she might be inside right now. Entering, she heads over to the fire to see what's in the pot today, and it is as River said: stew with plenty of turnips. Oh, well. She takes a bowl and ladles in some of it for River.

"Here you are. Careful where you hold the bowl. It's hot."

[girlinthebox]

The cook's racism aside, the food does smell good, even if River does little at first but peer into it with a wrinkle in her nose. When Christine turns to spoon out her own, River reaches for a handful of herbs on the kitchen counter and quickly sprinkles them in.

Better. Almost palatable, this way. Still could do with some meat, but that's not as easy to swipe.

[aceso]

Once her food is in the bowl, Christine moves to fetch them two spoons before handing one to River. Her hunger is greater than her apprehension of turnips, and she takes a seat at the table, breaking open a roll of brown bread to dip in. The stew is far too hot to just dive right in, so she blows on her now steaming and soaked bread to try that first.

"Where are you and your brother from?" she asks conversationally.

[girlinthebox]

"Neverra."

Simple questions are easy to focus on, easy to answer without other thoughts intruding as they had previously. Her eyes follow the help in the kitchen a moment before she pushes her spoon around in the stew.

[aceso]

Christine lets out a hum of acknowledgment. Nevarra is a place she's never been, though she might have gone someday had relations between mages and Templars not fallen apart. Those mages in good standing were allowed more freedom to travel between Circles, and the College of Magi was in Cumberland.

But she's read a bit about the country. Who can tell if her knowledge is truly accurate or not? Well, only one way to find out.

"Is it true that all the great dragon hunters come from there?"

[girlinthebox]

"No. They were loudest."

There are other dragon slayers, other kinds of dragons that need slaying. The ones who do it professionally are looking for glory, for a way to distinguish themselves among the nobility. The stories are fantastic, but it's difficult to really root for any of them.

Some Nevarran lords she rather hopes would get eaten, now and then.

[aceso]

"I suppose when the choice is to be known for preserving the dead to fill with spirits, or hunting dragons, some would prefer the country be known for the latter," she says dryly. The Mortalitasi are a controversial bunch, and though she's open minded enough to see the use of spirits in bodies, she would prefer bodies to lay at rest at the end of a person's life journey. She has seen the corpses of the Fallow Mire, and she thinks battle should exist between the living.