this world of ours is not as it seems

[girlinthebox]

WHO: River and OPEN
WHAT: Spooky little girl wandering around Skyhold.
WHEN: Late Wintermarch.
WHERE: Various locations around Skyhold.
NOTES: n/a

River has good days, and she has bad days. At times it feels like the swing of a pendulum, whose motions she can never truly calculate.

The good days have gotten progressively better. There are points of focus, people to talk to, to connect with. The Fade remains a presence, near-engulfing even when she's awake, but there's an opportunity to see past it, or perhaps more accurately to watch it layer against the people on this side of the Veil. Cole's compassion. Nerva's protectiveness. Zevran's cleverness. She thrives in their contact, stretching out without fear of it harming either Simon or herself, and simply allowed to be. It's a novel concept. She flits about the keep, often barefoot and the edges of her dress a little dirtier than they ought to be, her dark hair streaming behind her.

It's odd to think she has friends, yet it seems so. She feels their overlap and it feels like comfort, like warmth, and she doesn't want to untangle herself just yet.

But there are bad days.

She's more like a feral cat on those days, slinking just out of sight, out of reach. Either the noise has grown too loud inside her own head, or Simon's attempts to negate the worst of it leave her sluggish and more than a little bitter. Stumbling around like a child, slowed and lethargic. Those days she's not much good for anyone, though she tries to find those warm touchstones again. She lingers in the kitchens, in the hall, in the library or tavern, trying in vain to feel the vividness of those familiar voices again, blossoming bright like colors in her mind's eye.

She's little more than a shadow then. Huddled, hair in her face, staring outward blankly and through most passersby.

There are more good days than bad, thankfully. But every time she sinks brings doubt, creeping and gnawing. If she can't prevent herself from slipping, what happens if she falls?

Or is simply it a matter of when?

Comments

Russian Roulette on the mood wheel

[judgemewhole]

The barefoot girl can read minds. was the general consensus of whomever Norrington had questioned about the mage who had been attacked by Cade. Weirdly, he had also heard that Cade had been seen in her company. Even stranger, that Nerva herself had appeared to be as well.

So, was it mind control? Blood magic? Or was it simply something about her that apparently turned two of the most "questionable" Templars into approachable people? What did she see that everyone else had missed?

Norrington had kept himself fairly busy over the last few weeks - but with the troops out on general clean-up of the area, he found himself with hours free. Remembering Cade's accusation, he thought it was time to see about the girl himself.

He wonders if he should be surprised that he finds her on the ramparts. He has a feeling he shouldn't be.

[girlinthebox]

She rocks on her feet, back and forth, rolling up onto the ball before slipping back to her heel, her hands braced against the cold stone. She's watching birds fly from the tower, soaring out towards wherever news needs carrying, disappearing after a time into the mist of the mountain clouds.

She is, as previously noted, barefoot.

Norrington is a rumble of confusion and concern, and more than a little suspicion. It creeps up her spine like an unwelcome touch and she turns, brown eyes flickering over him quickly. But whatever she sees doesn't seem to trouble her.

Her gaze soon returns to the birds, a smile breaking out on her lips as one swoops closely overhead, and she turns to watch its progress over the battlements. A fallen feather tickles at her toes in the meanwhile.

[judgemewhole]

She looks over at him, then away again, as if he is nothing more important than the feather resting on her toes. So while she watched the birds, he instead watched her arms and legs. Looking for recent scars, deep cuts that could have only come from a knife.

Folding his arms behind him, he approached cautiously, noting that, oh joy, she was right near a part of the ramparts where there was a straight drop. No scars on her arms, and on her feet. Typically the two places blood mages liked to cut themselves. Besides that, he couldn't recall a single blood mage who enjoyed watching birds out of sheer joy and not some sort of ...predatory intent.

He came to about five feet away from her, and looked off at the birds himself, and stated dryly, "So they tell me that you can read minds."

[girlinthebox]

"They're not books."

Nonplussed, River bends at the waist to pluck up the feather. It turns delicately in her fingers, gleaming in the light. She carefully smooths the ruffled sections back into one smooth, sleek line.

"Can't just open a person's life to the middle and read. I hear people when they're loud. It's not the same."

Finally she looks back towards Norrington, unafraid. He's not one of the bad ones, either, just very concerned about corruption. He's afraid of the wrong thing, but it'd be foolish to tell him so.

[judgemewhole]

Now that... was a valid point. He folded his arms over his chest, nodding his head slightly. "I cannot argue with that. You can never understand a person if you do not know where they have come from."

Now curiosity flickered across his face, as he tipped his head at her. "So ... if our ... thoughts are loud, you can hear them? Like we are yelling them at you?"

Bad Day

[onlyhymns]

Cade was patrolling when he saw a small form sneak out of sight, and knew it well by the fact that it was barefoot. He furrowed his brow and went forward to peer into the alcove where she'd disappeared.

He saw her there, huddled and silent, with an expression he knew all too well, even if he didn't understand its exact cause. His heart pulled oddly, and before he knew what he was doing, he sank into a crouch, the way one would to talk to a frightened animal: making himself smaller and less of a threat. "What can I do?" he asked, so quietly that only River would hear.

[girlinthebox]

River stared out at him, mouth moving silently for a moment as though mimicking his words. Then one hand lifted, pressing to the side of her head. "Too loud. The edge is too sharp. Scraping on the inside, like fingers..felt like their fingers, in my head. Touching. Too close. Couldn't get them out."

Even in the midst of her obvious discomfort, there's something slightly sheepish that creeps across her face. "...I threw up," she confesses, in an even quieter tone.

[onlyhymns]

Cade listened intently, and actually smiled a little at her confession. There were far worse ways to react to losing one's mine than losing one's lunch, and he wasn't about to judge her for that.

"I can..." he mused, paused apologetically, then forced himself to continue. "...I can try to quiet it. Like I did before." But he wouldn't do it at her, this time. He would do it for her, if she thought it would help.

[girlinthebox]

He's sorry he did that, he's sorry, he wants to help. He knows what it's like to feel too much.

River drew in a breath. It might help. It might hurt. She didn't know, but anything was better than the dizzying swirl of too much, too fast, unable to get the crawling out from under her skin. Finally she gave a brief, shaky nod.

[motherfucking_ghost]

"How," he has to ask when he sees her, "can you possibly stand to walk around a stone castle thing in the middle of winter?"

Oh, sure, the elves seem to do it, because elves are fucking crazy woodsmen. Woodspeople. At least some of them wear shoes! But she looks so small. Tiny. And looks like she's been rolling around in the dirt. Okay, not that bad, but she'd definitely been out and about and has no care about her clothes. Which is cool, because who cares, but it's...kind of odd.

"I mean, like, aren't you freezing your ass off?" Should he curs in front of her? Hard to tell if this is a kid of just a scrawny teenager or twenty-something or what. "Wouldn't you rather be bundled head to toe in a parka? Long johns? Uh, fur, I guess, whatever."

[girlinthebox]

"Harder to climb in furs. I'm not a goat."

If she minds the cursing, it's hard to tell. She barely even blinks at it, cocking her head and taking in the strange man. There's an odd resonance in him, but it's hard to hear over the little sounds, humming like particularly loud bees. Or just...empty noise where things should be.

It's enough that she stares perhaps a bit overlong.

[motherfucking_ghost]

"You a climber, huh?" Okay, sure, maybe everything's all warmed with, like, geothermal energy and hotsprings, but still, does she wear shoes if she goes out into the mountains? ...Does she do that? Huh. Maybe she doesn't. He doesn't even know. "Seems like there's a lotta those people around here." They're called rogues, Church. "I mean. Climbing. Liking high places. Getting around in nooks and crannies. Maybe you could call it slinking, but, I dunno, that sounds negative and...sneaky, and--is there something on my face? Do I have something in my teeth? Did I say something weird? Like, what is going on here with the staring?"

[girlinthebox]

"Little hollow spaces. You fill it with noise so you don't notice, but there's nothing where there should be."

It's an absent observation if anything, but she is still rather curious. She's not seen anything quite like it before, though seen might not be the right word. He's still an anomaly, something interesting. A puzzle to figure out.

Middling to bad

[aintwejust]

He's minded her well nuf while out and about. Little River Bug what gets him into trouble with her brother, trouble on a job, but not so much they can't roll back out agian with all their limbs. It ain't easy, whatever's got her muddled.

So he stops by with apricots and ribbons and little bits of shine when he finds 'em. Talks to her or lets her talk at him. Lets er play with Jayne on the good days when they're both behaving.

Not all days are good, not all days are rough, and not all days leave him fair and fine and settled. Rough dreams remind'n him of fire and ash weigh on him- but he swings about to find her anyway. Noth'n like a slice of the very real present to help him remember why he's stick'n around. "Li'l bug?"

[girlinthebox]

She looks listless, drifting like a ghost. She's usually wandering here or there or somewhere, but it's like with every step she's trying to find her footing again, each step an effort to plant herself there and remember something vital. But no. She's untethered and adrift.

Then she hears the captain's voice nearby. She wobbles faintly on her feet but stops, as if tugged by an invisible string.

[aintwejust]

"...River?" he ain't normally one to handle her when she ain't all that right. But- it ain't her fault most times. Ain't her fault all the time. So here he stands with a hand in his pocket, a packet of dried berries in the other, peer'n at where she's hang'n like a ghost. "y'all here today?"

[girlinthebox]

"Partially here. Not all there."

One hand lifts, flutters, drops again. She was going to explain but it's lost, grains of sand in her fingers. But the captain's here, so there's at least one solid point of focus. Perhaps. If he's really here, and not an echo.

"They've been leaving lines, places they were here. They fade and trail away, and I was following them..." she explains, tipping her head back to look in Mal's direction. "I...got lost in the woods. Bird stole the breadcrumbs."

[amygdalae]

Bruce's made it a point to try and keep an eye out for River when he can do so, wanting to make sure that she's still around and safe. He feels like its the least he can do, considering everything else.

Today though, he doesn't see her at where she would usually be, and the unsettling feeling starts to bubble in his gut. Bruce tries to not dwell on that as he goes around his daily work, but once he has the time he starts to wander around the lesser known parts of Skyhold, glancing around for any sign of her as he quietly calls out her name. "River? Are you around here?"

[girlinthebox]

She winds up in the library, of all places. There's a growing stack of books as she pulls them off the shelves, searching for something. Something specific, it seems.

By the time Bruce finds her she's lying on her stomach. She has a pen, with which she appears to be jotting things down amidst the margins. There are also pages lying nearby that have been ripped out, either in pieces or entirely, others still that have been folded.

River certainly has a look of intent about her, whatever that intent might be.

[amygdalae]

This isn't exactly is how he expected to find River, but Bruce is always one to just take what he can get. Besides, what is more concerning is the way she's destroying all these books in a bid for... something? Bruce isn't entirely sure what she intends to do here.

"River," he says, just loud enough for her to hear as he slowly approaches closer, not wanting to startle her. He keeps his steps measured and slow as well, giving her time to notice and to react if need be.

[girlinthebox]

"I'm fixing it," she announces, as Bruce creeps closer. And his presence doesn't seem to deter her from tearing another chunk out of the book and writing over it once again. Counting off something on her fingers is the only pause she takes before turning to the next page and perusing it carefully.

[aceso]

Christine really knows of River than actually knowing her. At some point, all the meandering around has to be noticed even by those who are busy. And Christine knows Simon. Sort of. All right, she knows of Simon too. They haven't really spoken.

But today she catches River alone, with Simon no where in sight. She has little knowledge of what's wrong with River, but she could probably do with some food.

"Hello," she greets gently. "I was going to go get lunch. Would you like to join me?"

[girlinthebox]

They haven't spoken, but that doesn't mean she isn't known to her. Known well enough at least to know that she's probably harmless, and that lunch with her would be nice.

Quietly she nods, before glancing back towards the tents. Simon won't notice if she's gone just a little while longer. And there's a rumble in her stomach that makes itself known after a second or two.

[aceso]

Christine smiles and nods her head towards the kitchens.

"Let's see what's already made, shall we? I've been learning to cook, but it's a work in progress. I do much better when I set aside the time and energy to do it. Today, I think I'll just take whatever is on offer."

[girlinthebox]

"Turnips." River wrinkled her nose. "Turnips in the stew. Makes the meat go farther with so many to feed. Not enough, there's not enough to go around, Maker why aren't the stores large enough for all these people? Those forest rats are sneaking in while we're not looking, I know it."

Then her head snaps up, as though she's suddenly remembered something, and glances towards Christine. "...be careful of the cook," she finally manages.