this world of ours is not as it seems

[girlinthebox]

WHO: River and OPEN
WHAT: Spooky little girl wandering around Skyhold.
WHEN: Late Wintermarch.
WHERE: Various locations around Skyhold.
NOTES: n/a

River has good days, and she has bad days. At times it feels like the swing of a pendulum, whose motions she can never truly calculate.

The good days have gotten progressively better. There are points of focus, people to talk to, to connect with. The Fade remains a presence, near-engulfing even when she's awake, but there's an opportunity to see past it, or perhaps more accurately to watch it layer against the people on this side of the Veil. Cole's compassion. Nerva's protectiveness. Zevran's cleverness. She thrives in their contact, stretching out without fear of it harming either Simon or herself, and simply allowed to be. It's a novel concept. She flits about the keep, often barefoot and the edges of her dress a little dirtier than they ought to be, her dark hair streaming behind her.

It's odd to think she has friends, yet it seems so. She feels their overlap and it feels like comfort, like warmth, and she doesn't want to untangle herself just yet.

But there are bad days.

She's more like a feral cat on those days, slinking just out of sight, out of reach. Either the noise has grown too loud inside her own head, or Simon's attempts to negate the worst of it leave her sluggish and more than a little bitter. Stumbling around like a child, slowed and lethargic. Those days she's not much good for anyone, though she tries to find those warm touchstones again. She lingers in the kitchens, in the hall, in the library or tavern, trying in vain to feel the vividness of those familiar voices again, blossoming bright like colors in her mind's eye.

She's little more than a shadow then. Huddled, hair in her face, staring outward blankly and through most passersby.

There are more good days than bad, thankfully. But every time she sinks brings doubt, creeping and gnawing. If she can't prevent herself from slipping, what happens if she falls?

Or is simply it a matter of when?

Comments

[aintwejust]

"...Right we're hav'n a whimsical kinda day then." Whimsical was an understatement. Shit like this sounded like what ghosts and spirits were suppos'd t'sound like accord'n to Wash. Mal don't know much about mages and magic other than they make a lotta noise when you poke 'em and some like us'n blood to make demons happen, most often he kept his nose out of it.

Li'l River be'n awash in the place between ain't somth'n he rightly knew how to handle. But he kept walk'n. Kept an eye out for templar folk what didn't like this kinda strangeness.

"Who all was leav'n lines?" Sometimes it made sense. Most times? Not so much. Mal was will'n to put 'not so much' down for today.

[girlinthebox]

"The echoes. Shades. They're there, pressing up against the glass. Some watching, some wanting in. They know this place." She sways slightly on her feet as she speaks, gaze drifting outward. "So many bright lights, candles in the dark, gathering until they burn like bonfires at Wintersend..."

Her fingers drop, fiddling with something at her wrist.

[aintwejust]

"River?" He steps a little closer, hand that aches with that bit o' shine flex'n in his pocket. SHe's here and not today, more than a little whimsical. See'n what's beyond this side a' the veil and he ain't never known much about it but he knows it's weird.

Dreams are weird. Place what dreams come from? Bound to be even weirder. "Float on back this way, li'l bug. Feel the ground for a spell."

[girlinthebox]

The ground.

Her attention sweeps downward to the stone, feet pressing toe to heel against the rough surface and feeling the cold, the seep downwards into the roots of the mountain. "The place that holds the sky...holding us too. Sparks in their hands..."

Her own fingers twitch, flex. "It's too far to see, but it's bright. So bright. Staring into sunlight."

[aintwejust]

"Then we take a step back and settle in the shade for a spell." Not forever, just a li'l bit. When things get too weird for either of them, and it seems a mite weird for River too. "Get outta the light and have a chat."