[Closed] This isn't even my final form

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders and close CR
WHAT: Detlef makes his last appearance for some goodbyes in case, Anders gives some warnings, and basically he tries to prepare.
WHEN: Around this time, a little backdated for the ride, but generally 24th-ish
WHERE: Ride back from EDL and in Skyhold
NOTES: Anders.

[ooc: This is various starters for Detlef's end and Anders warning some friends and admitting things to another. If you'd like a starter, ping me at Nadat on plurk and I'll put one together!]

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

She got the area right. Granted, it's a big area, so he shouldn't be surprised. Especially when Emprise is about as precise as he can get too. Anders joins her, feeling the usual tug-of-war in his mind when Merrill looks concerned.

For once, honesty wins. What will it cost him? He's likely to be dead shortly here, and being abrasive hasn't gotten through to her. She's still a blood mage. ...And she's still hurt fewer people than he has, a thought he usually does his best to ignore.

"Tired. I'm tired." If he gets told to take a nap, he may regret that answer. "Yourself?"

[chainlightning]

Tired. It doesn't surprise her, though it does make her look him over once more. He looks- more tired than usual, actually, and that makes her frown more. If she were a healer- but she isn't, and Anders likely wouldn't welcome the brush of her magic when he's not expecting it.

"Going to fight a dragon soon, apparently! Since I have experience." She doesn't sound as worried about that as she maybe should, but that doesn't mean the worry isn't there. Merrill would just rather focus on Anders at the moment. "But you're tired- would you like to sit down somewhere?"

[justice_is_blond]

"You're going to fight a... Of course you're going to fight a dragon. Why not fight a dragon? It's only five pointy ends, a tail, and fire. Or ice. Or lightning. And wings, those are fun too." It's Merrill. If anyone from the Kirkwall crew would be excited about fighting a dragon, it would be her. And he can't even stick around to heal her after while talking about how foolish she'd been.

He's shaken his head at the question, looking off more into the distance than anything else. If he tells her it's not really that sort of tired, he'll get more questions, likely, than he wants to answer.

"Be careful. If anyone sees you doing... you know what, you'll be in even more trouble than everyone here from Kirkwall is about to be already." Anders takes a breath. "I'm turning myself in. They might believe you had no idea I was here. You're the most likely to be able to get away with that. But I thought you should have a warning anyway."

[chainlightning]

"Well, there are three, but we're going to be attacking them all at once -- er, they'll be separated, though. That way they can't interfere." So it's not as if he has anything to worry about (except, of course, all the things that there are to worry about when fighting a dragon). "Don't worry; I'll be careful."

Don't worry. As if any of them don't worry. As if they even know how. But it's in regards to both the dragon and the mention of doing 'you know what', even if it's said before he mentions it.

But he's turning himself in. Merrill sucks in a surprised breath and then, as she had when first seeing him in Skyhold, steps forward to wrap Anders up in a hug. "Are you sure? I'll try to defend you, you know, if they- if they try anything. Not with you know what, but I- you did it to try and help. You've helped so much more, since then. And you're- you're one of the group, my clan." A stuttered breath and, more quietly- "My friend."

Even if Anders doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't matter. Merrill looks out for her own.

[justice_is_blond]

Three dragons. That's it. She officially has a worse sense of self-preservation than he does. At least he knows Varric should be around and can maybe haul her out of the worst of it. And then his worries are driven away by surprise, first at the sudden hug, and then at her words.

She makes it exceptionally difficult to be annoyed with her. In fact, he's feeling the opposite of annoyed. Touched and worried are the best descriptors, because of all the people who still somehow call him friend, she's the one who would most be at risk if scrutinized.

"Merrill..." He trails off, unsure of what to say. The best response he can come up with is to hug her back. It's been so long since he was a part of any group, and she's offering something that's not given lightly.

"This will help," Anders finally says. "This will also help. If they find me out on their own, whomever 'they' may be, it will hurt the mages in Skyhold and the cause. If I turn myself in, and to the Wardens, then anything that befalls me won't be seen as condemnation of mages being free but simply the Warden dealing with one of their own. It's not... It isn't optimal. But nothing is."

She hadn't condemned him in Kirkwall the way Aveline, Fenris, and Sebastian had. She hadn't stayed neutral the way Varric did. She'd not been happy, but who would be? Anders has to work to swallow his pride here, but he does it nonetheless.

"You've not been like other blood mages." Somewhat. He manages to somewhat swallow his pride, and it sounds awful to his ears so he tries again. "I'm... I'm glad I've met you, Merrill. Don't get eaten by the dragons. That would break Varric's heart."

[chainlightning]

He hugs her back and Merrill, perhaps a bit predictably, starts to cry. She does so quietly, only sniffling a little bit into his shoulder, but tears are nonetheless running down her face. They have lost so much, all of them, and often times the loss had been set in motion far before they ever realized it. Now, with Hawke missing (and she knows many think dead, but Merrill refuses), they are missing even more. With Corypheus, there is the ever present threat of more loss. It's difficult to bear the thought of it, somedays. For Anders, who is actively wanted, hunted, whose only company is often a spirit who helped cause many of his more recent difficulties? She can only imagine that it's even worse.

"And Bethany will help you, since she's with the Wardens. And- and Hercules, he's a kind man; he'll listen." Maybe not like it, but he'll listen, Merrill is certain of it.

Maybe she should pull back, but instead Merrill sniffs again and tightens her grip.

"I'm glad I've met you, too. I won't be eaten by dragons. And- and if they put you under guard or something, I'll come visit."

[justice_is_blond]

Kindness would be a swift end, not guards, but he doesn't say as much. None of those in Kirkwall know what Kinloch Hold had been like, what he'd been through there. It's better that few know how weak he'd been, how broken he'd been.

"Bethany will undoubtedly help, as will another Warden I know, Nathaniel. And possibly Kaisa." And he needs to make sure he can head them all off if any of them seeks to help too much. He can't allow them to sacrifice too much for him.

"I promise not to be too offended if instead of visiting me you wind up in the root cellar and start talking to potatoes. Or you only visit when you meant to go play with... I don't know. Nugs. Whatever corpses Fenris uses for company in his new room. I assume they have names."

It's not easy to keep his voice steady. He's practically being mourned by someone who is painfully, dangerously naive, but has cared. He can't ignore that. He can't, which means he's not pulling away like he otherwise might. This is the end and he won't go unmourned, with his grave simply a place people spit.

"Take care of yourself beyond the dragons. Remember that demons always lie. And don't tell the Mage Council what you are." Not just for her sake - if they knew and then didn't act against her, they'd likely be inviting trouble. They had such a thin line to walk, all mages did, and it wasn't fair to any of them. Hopefully the next generation will be free of that.

He's out of things to say, now, but he still doesn't push her back. It costs Anders absolutely nothing to let the moment linger.

[chainlightning]

Perhaps it would be. Merrill can understand that, if she thinks about it; preferring to be killed than to submit, preferring to be free than under a leash. She is Dalish, after all. But then again, she is selfish, in her own way; she wants Anders to stay alive, to be a friend she can reach when there are so many that are now lost.

"I'll get Bethany to walk me there if I can't find you," she promises, giggling a little despite herself at the mention of Fenris and his Corpse Friends. Likely the other elf would be glad for this -- or, she supposes, angry that he hadn't gotten the chance to kill Anders himself.

Creators. If they decide to execute him... Well, she'll just have to do something, won't she?

"I'll be careful," she promises, shifting a bit to look Anders in the eye, to make sure he knows that she means it. Ten years since they first met in Kirkwall, and she hopes he believes that she's at least a little bit wiser than she once was. "I promise. And- you be careful, too, when they ask you questions."

Because he's right. There is such a thin line, a knife's edge, and she's not sure if either side of it will go well. There is so little she can do, now. So she shows her care, her heart, and she shows her worry in the way of her people to try and put the emphasis on how much she means it.

"May the Dread Wolf never hear your steps, lethallin."

[justice_is_blond]

That's a very Dalish blessing, and Anders has nothing like it to offer in return. He gives her shoulder a squeeze, nodding.

"I'll be careful." There will be no telling of blood magic, no listing of names of those who were kind because they deserve better than that, no revelation of the two mages who were hiding what they were. She's grown a little, as has he. Not enough for his survival, but he's grown.

Anders glances back at the camp. There are a few more farewells to say, as well as one that will likely be the hardest as he has to tell someone he's come to care about that Detlef is a false name, and everything's been a lie. He takes a breath. "I'll be careful to sneak up on the Dread Wolf and hopefully not be eaten."

[chainlightning]

He needs to go. He has more things to do, more people to see, more preparations to make. But Merrill finds that she doesn't particularly want to let him, arms tightening around him.

"Smack him in the face with your staff if he tries to bite. That'll surprise him."

Sorry Solas.

Another squeeze and this time Merrill pulls back entirely, hands immediately latching together to rub and worry. "Be safe."