[Closed] This isn't even my final form

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders and close CR
WHAT: Detlef makes his last appearance for some goodbyes in case, Anders gives some warnings, and basically he tries to prepare.
WHEN: Around this time, a little backdated for the ride, but generally 24th-ish
WHERE: Ride back from EDL and in Skyhold
NOTES: Anders.

[ooc: This is various starters for Detlef's end and Anders warning some friends and admitting things to another. If you'd like a starter, ping me at Nadat on plurk and I'll put one together!]

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

Anders doesn't react to Nate being questioned. It's not easy to hear of failings, and at least Herc is getting confirmation instead of rejecting what Anders is saying outright. Besides. This is the easiest part of it, establishing that he's a Warden. It's also the most crucial. If he's a Grey Warden, the fact that he's been here can't hurt the authority of the Mage Council. There won't be a question of custody, or what the mages should do, and whatever happens won't be on their heads.

Unfortunately, it will be on Grey Warden heads, but he's fairly certain that the decision to execute him will only alienate those who are his friends. It won't have wide-reaching consequences.

"I hope that's acceptable. If not, there's one other Grey Warden witness here, but I'm not certain where she currently is. And she... doesn't have the reliability that Nate does." If Nate's testimony isn't enough, Anders isn't really sure what he'll do. He's put everything in one attempt here, and if any part of this falls apart, the whole thing might.

[twelvelabours]

A long silence follows. It's a lot to think about, to digest, and Herc exhales a long, slow breath.

"Maker," he finally manages, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his thumb. Another look to Nate, and he nods. "It's acceptable, far as I can figure it. I'm sorry they weren't there for you." Well, no, that's not quite right, is it? "I'm sorry we weren't there for you. Even with things that bad, Grey Wardens stand together."

It seemed a laughable thing to say, what Grey Wardens should do and how they should have solidarity, in such circumstances as these, but Herc believes in doing what's right. He believes in doing it no matter the cost, whether it was his own life, whether it was his best friend's or his son's that hung in the balance. To be a Grey Warden meant sacrifice for the sake of the world, not for the sake of your personal happiness or satisfaction.

"So, do I take it you want to rejoin the ranks? Can't say this is the best time to be a Warden," he adds a little dryly though there's a certain warmth that sneaks in, as his arms cross over his chest, "But as far as I'm concerned, you're one of us. One of our own."

Which leads him to, "And there was something else you wanted to talk to me about, wasn't there? Though I might ask for your actual name, not your fake one."

Still running from templars, probably. Can't blame a man for caution.

[justice_is_blond]

The warmth he hears hurts, and the guilt shows on his face as he glances back at Nathaniel. What else can he do? There's no way to move forward without hurting someone. And now he's going to put this on a man who would have welcomed him back if he was anyone else.

"I wish this was to rejoin the ranks. You make it sound like I could actually find a place there again." Those first several months had been good, despite the darkspawn and the deep roads and the marsh. He'd had friends, he'd been doing something with his life. But he's gone too far, crossed too many lines.

Anders sighs and looks out over the distance. He can't meet Herc's eyes, and he certainly can't look over at Nate as he continues. "It's more that if the Grey Wardens execute me as one of their own, I'm not costing the mages any of the progress we've made toward freedom. I won't splinter them further. I won't hurt the Mage Council." He takes a breath, but it has to be a short one to lessen the risk of his friend jumping in. "I'm surrendering, and the name you'd know me by is Anders."

finally a reason to use this hilarious angry face

[twelvelabours]

Put him in a hat, fuck his life sideways and call him the Divine.



Suffice to say there's a pause before he gathers up his thoughts. He's not sure there's an adequate way to gather up his thoughts, in fact, arms still crossed and fingers digging hard into his skin, pressure leaving it white, while his face drains to a grey pallor.

"Anders," he grinds out. "Guy who blew up the Kirkwall Chantry. Killed a lot of innocent people, from what I hear."

Any of the progress we've made towards freedom, Andraste's teeth. "You won't hurt the Mage Council? That's real gratifying to hear," Herc growls out, arms finally uncrossing as he takes a couple of steps away from Anders, turning his back on him before rounding back to face him. "You made people more afraid of mages, not less."

He speaks low, quiet, because yelling this from the ramparts isn't going to go any better. "I'm not defending what was going on in Kirkwall, but don't act like you're doing this because somehow it'll be better for mages."

Seething about it isn't going to get this settled, and Herc checks himself, stilling and looking Anders in the eyes, even if Anders doesn't return the gaze. If the man's killed as a Grey Warden, what'll that mean for the order? Will it just set up Anders as a martyr? And if Herc makes the decision to execute one of their own on his own, what would the repercussions be for their group here?

And a look at Nate, jaw clenched. "How many other Wardens know?"

[pinprick]

Nathaniel is increasingly glad of Herc, that he's taking his anger out in a healthy way, being as rational as is possible when faced with this situation. He tics his chin up when Herc addresses him.

"Bethany Hawke," he says, "Velanna, and probably Kaisa Daesun, ser." He glances at Anders. "Anyone else?"

Best to be honest and up front. If Herc starts getting ideas of actually executing Anders, Nathaniel will volunteer more.

[justice_is_blond]

Now he meets Herc's gaze. The anger is deserved, though the words have him pressing his lips together to keep from saying anything in anger in return. Everything has been for the mages, and people can't possibly be more afraid than they already were. Not only that, mages are here, outside the Circle. He's made progress.

But someone who has never been locked up for their birth wouldn't see that. Anders crosses his arms before shaking his head at the question.

"No. Just the four, counting you." He'd worried that Alistair might, but their meeting had been simple, in passing.

"And please." Okay, maybe he can't completely keep his mouth shut. "If this wasn't for the mages, I'd be gone. I was doing quite well out there on my own."

...hungry, lonely, but at least he'd not been dying. It's the little things.

[pinprick]

"Ser," Nathaniel says suddenly, coming forward to take Anders' shoulder, "Anders is coming clean because it's the right thing to do. I know how that sounds, but we're Wardens. We all of us know a man can change."

He squeezes Anders' shoulder and watches Herc, eyes pleading. They have, all of them, changed. Some for the better, some simply diverting their blood-thirst in an acceptable direction like Velanna or Kaisa. But they were all given that chance, except for Anders.

[twelvelabours]

It's lucky Nate steps in. Not so much because Herc was in danger of decking Anders (as much as he might want to in this present second), but it helps draw focus. Helps remind him of who he is, what they all are.

(All right, maybe it does help him not lay into Anders more, because that comment about being gone was obnoxious, at best. Self-righteous mongrel.)

"That we do," he replies, tightly. He saw his brother change for the worst, or heard of it at least, of his brother abandoning men in battle. Wetting his lips, Herc bites down on his tongue and looks between the two men. One he trusts with his life, and the other he trusts to make a really satisfying thud sound when Herc throws him over the bloody ramparts. (He wont, but it's a tempting thought.)

"And this isn't a decision just for me. If this is about how a man can change," and he gives Nate a significant don't you make me regret this look, "then the others should have a chance to hear you out, and to speak up. Whatever the decision, we're doing right by the Wardens."

But he really, really doesn't want to give Anders the satisfaction of being a martyr, as much as he's sure plenty of people here would find equal satisfaction in taking off his head. "We're going to have to announce this to the Inquisition."

What a blast that'll be.

[justice_is_blond]

He looks over at Nate at the squeeze and relents a little. The man's protecting him, and Anders shouldn't make his job harder than it already is. Not like he thinks Nate has a chance. But the effort is welcome.

"I don't really know what there is to say. But if the others have questions, I'll answer them." He's an abomination who murdered a great many people. What is there to hear out? All the same, there's the smallest portion of hope threatening to bloom in his chest. He'd been resigned, figured it all out, but Herc is somehow listening to Nathaniel. There might be a chance. ...Which means maybe Anders should stop being an ass. That's not exactly the easiest thing, but he looks down anyway.

And doesn't mention how his changes have been going, of late, if Justice is taken into account. Later, when he has time alone with Nate.

[twelvelabours]

A curt nod, and Herc's pulling away, taking a moment to look up at the sky and the Frostbacks stretching out as he grabs his sending crystal from his pocket.

"All right, then. I'll get the word out. We'll see where it goes from there. Suffice to say, if you run now, I'll come after your head myself."

Herc nods to both of them, and moves further along the ramparts to record the message, leaning forward against the stone and tapping his crustal against it for long moments before he starts. What a mess.