faderift | [OPEN] how many of Andraste’s body parts can I fit in one post

WHO: Kain Highwind and YOU… and a parrot with a dirty mouth
WHAT: Inappropriately timed swearing
WHEN: Nowish, and really anytime over the next few days
WHERE: Garden, Chapel, outside the castle, wherever!
NOTES: Just language, tons of cursing will be happening. Yes, Kain, this is a reward somehow.

1st encounter: Garden

Kain is still taking it sort of easy (at least where Korrin or Asher can potentially see him), so he’s just doing some light stretches in the garden. It’s early in the day yet and he hasn’t put all of his armor on... so he’s not even wearing a helmet at the moment. That’s when it shows up: a bright blue bird flying straight down toward him from the sky. The parrot helps himself to a spot right on Kain’s head, getting cozy in his hair.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing!?”

Ugh... A little help de-tangling, please?

We meet again: Chapel (could be heard by passersby too!)

Though he doesn’t have any stake in this world’s religion, Kain is still curious. Gods can be demanding things, especially when they make you fight endless wars. What better way to see more of their gods than taking a glance in the chapel?

Unfortunately, as he’s standing there respectfully and quietly, the parrot decides to swoop in through an open door. It lands on Kain, who tries to shoo it off and away… no good. It’s there to stay.

Things are fine, until a squawking voice suddenly echoes through the meditative silence with, “Andraste’s ass! Andraste’s ass! ANDRATE’S FIRM LITTLE FLAMING ASS!!!”

Anyone who may have been there worshipping is... unfortunately out of luck for the moment.

The final straw: On the castle steps

“No, you must leave at once!” Kain declares, trying to dislodge the parrot from his arm where it’s taken hold.

“Sod off, nughumper!” The bird's reply is loud and clear and his tone much too sassy.

“Come on… go back to where you belong! Go home! This… isn’t… funny!”

“Suck it, arsehole! -squaaaawk squawksquawksquawk- suck my cock!”

Yes, yes this is indeed a grown man in armor having a heated argument with a parrot.

Wildcard

Just let me know if you want to have a run in with Kain and his new “friend” elsewhere! The bird will be following him everywhere.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

With one more attempt to pull the bird out, Kain feels another tug at his hair, at the same time the bird crying out, "Fucknuggets!!" At the moment, Kain's assumption is, he's aggravated it somehow. He moves his hand away, not entirely fond of doing more damage. He looks thoughtful then, trying to consider that.

"Perhaps there's something growing in the garden it might like? Some birds back home enjoy greens... but this one isn't like any I've seen either." He's seen a number of different plants here, maybe something'll be to its liking.

Startled at the bird's exclamation, she takes a step back. "It talks! Is it possessed?"

Because she did not sign up to deal with a demon-possessed bird, thank you very much.

Kain also freaks out for a moment, rolling his eyes up as far as he can to sort-off look at the bird atop his head. "I don't... I don't think so." Though from this angle it almost looks demonic. He looks toward Ellana again. "It may just be... that it can talk..." Sort of.

Doesn't make it any less weird, especially as the bird just delightedly declares out of nowhere, "Ancestor's Balls!" Before it returns to happy bird-sounds.

Ellana shakes her head, still trying to come to terms with this. "I suppose... a demon would have a bit more conversation about it, instead of nonsense phrases. I'll see what I can find."

She scours the garden and returns with a few flowers on the stem and a worm.

"Mmm, do you like worms? Hmm?" She bounces the worm in the air held between her finger and thumb. "Want it?"

Right, a demon wouldn't be this ridiculously crass, he doesn't think. They'd be far more... subtle and devious, or so he's been told.

When she returns, Kain waits to see what the bird does. It sniffs a little, bobbing its head and fluttering its wings, before it leans forward, interested in the worm and having a dilemma about whether or not to eat or give up its perch. "Stones! Stones and rat shit!" it declares, whatever it means to communicate by that who knows. Probably showing off its frustration?

"Come on... you clearly want that worm," Kain tries to direct this toward the bird as much as he can.

Ellana winces slightly at the parrot's filthy mouth before pulling the worm back a little, to encourage it to let go. Of course, it now occurs to her that the bird may abandon its perch for her, so she holds the worm up in clear sight before saying, "Go get it!" and tossing it in the air away from her.

The bird makes some noises that are just all too much like a whole lot of chuckling. But it keeps eyes on the worm, and is definitely intrigued enough to go for it, finally spreading its wings and flying off to chase it.

Kain sighs, watching it, relieved to be freed of the parrot. His long blond hair is a bit of a mess thanks to the bird's presence, but, he supposes it may have been worse. "You've my thanks for thinking of that. I feared I might spend the day with it on my head otherwise..."

"You're welcome. I know I would want someone to help me if my head was taken over by a bird." She watches the parrot pluck up the worm and eat it, and wonders what it will do next. Best to keep an eye on it.

"I wonder if it belongs to someone here who taught it to talk."

"Then I'll be sure to return the favor, one day, should that ever happen." He's totally serious, actually, always one to want to repay any favors done to him, whether for good or bad. He feels a sense of relief with the bird being distracted for now, but how long can it last?

He combs his fingers through his hair to detangle it, somewhat. "The owner surely must be nearby. It probably just escaped, somehow." He frowns a little bit, as the bird is just finishing up the worm, slurping it up loudly...

"By the stone!" The parrot shouts, flying back up. Kain attempts to shield his head, and waves his arms to fend it off, forcing the bird to land (for now) on a nearby tree.

"You could put a notice up on the bulletin board about it," she suggests, just as the bird shouts and takes flight. She ducks a little and lifts her hands over her head, relieved when the bird decides on the tree as its perch instead.

"I think I'd better abandon the garden before I become its next target."

Kain nods agreement, that's a really good idea. "The sooner I get a message out, the sooner the owner will surely appear to claim it." He keeps glancing warily toward the tree as well, prepared to duck and dart away at any sigh of motion, but the bird seems content... for now.

"Likewise. I've more important things to do than stand around all day with a bird on my head." It's time to go and armor up for a training session by now, and the sooner he escapes to do that, the better. He glances over toward her. "My thanks again... I'm Kain, by the way."

"I'm Ellana." She smiles and then shoots a wary look the bird's way as he does. "I'll see you around, hopefully without this bird following you." Not after all the hard work she did to get him off!

“It’s good to meet you, Ellana… although perhaps not under such circumstances.” Kain keeps on watching the bird, but at the moment, the blue terror is content to sing, which ends up being a mix of actual bird-sounding noise, with the occasional “Oh shit!!” thrown in at random. The result is… disconcerting. “Thank you again for the assistance… I’m sure we’ll meet again soon.”

Without the bird following him, yes. Kain is going to aim hard for this goal.

[OPEN] how many of Andraste’s body parts can I fit in one post

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