[closed-ish] revelations come at last

[eolasemah]

WHO: Sina and anyone who wants a starter
WHAT: The diplomacy mission did not agree well with her.
WHEN: Some backdated to Harvestmere 4th/5th, some current.
WHERE: The healing tents or Sina's tent in the garden.
NOTES: Warning for some icky injuries and pretty severe downers!

"Adelaide," comes a cry from the gates, and the newly-conscious Sina removes herself from Herian's horse to stumble towards the healing tents, the darkness staved off by her glimmering shard, which is definitely brighter than the last time anyone here saw it.
"Adelaide," she wheezes again, her voice thin and desperate, an injured fawn bleating for its mother; but with this part of the courtyard filled with only unfamiliar faces, she finds she's not strong enough to keep looking. Sina drops to her knees and hugs herself, keeping the palms of her hands away from her arms in strange clawlike poses. "Ghi'lan," she sobs, her voice growing quieter.

This is only the beginning of a long month in which few hear from or see her, as Sina is spending it curled up in a ball on her bedroll. She resists eating, won't talk to anyone without persistence on their part, and ultimately seems at a total loss of spirit.

[If you'd like a starter, hit me up!]

Comments

Pel

[eolasemah]

Though she's aware of Pel's daily visits, Sina tends to pretend she's asleep until her friend goes away again. It's not that she's angry with her, or even that she doesn't want to see her: but Pel is a reminder that it was real. It can't be written off as a nightmare or a vision when another witness-- and victim-- is here in the room with her, and not as ruined.
So Sina lies on her side, back to Pel, praying she can live in denial just a bit longer.

[mythalenaste]

It doesn't take long to know what's going on. Pel won't force Sina to talk to her. But it hurts, most dreadfully, not to have her for this. To have been through this thing together and be unwanted after. So instead of speaking, she climbs onto the cot with her, wrapping her arms around her if she is permitted but saying nothing.

[eolasemah]

Sina doesn't shove her away, but doesn't return the embrace either. Instead, after several seconds of stillness, she just begins to cry silently, her body shaking against Pel's.

[mythalenaste]

Pel holds her tight, her right hand rubbing Sina's left arm soothingly. She has never sung for anyone besides Merrick, but she sings now, voice soft and bright.

The dark is warm; it folds around you
Safe to sleep in velvet arms
And all the stars are watching o'er you
Their light to keep you safe from harm
So go to sleep, my bonny baby
With beckets closed and blankets tight
There lies a world beyond the valley
Forever dark, forever light

[eolasemah]

Though it may not put her to sleep, Sina does at least calm down enough to rest quietly as Pel holds her. Her breathing evens out and she finds she can let her mind wander without finding danger, at least for a little while.

Thranduil

[eolasemah]

When Sina isn't sleeping, she's crying. She's been resisting attention from the healers beyond what's necessary for her to recuperate, in favor of withdrawing into herself and trying to process what she's been through. The wounds are too raw, even if the physical ones are mostly gone.
She's on her third day of not eating, a tray of food left untouched behind her as she stares ahead of her, into the middle distance.

[rowancrowned]

[ he gave her a few days before coming to visit, not wanting to appear whilst she was still ill from her mission. sina has not- had an easy time of it, as of late, and his heart has been stirred to sympathy and concern. she is young, and the only one of her clan here. she ought to be offered comfort.

he lifts the tent flap, waiting by the edge, careful not to cross into her territory. not yet. not when he's not been invited. ]

Sina? [ he murmurs, waiting for her to look up. ]

[eolasemah]

She doesn't look up, though a small shudder when Thranduil says her name indicates that at least she heard him. For the most part she's enjoyed the anonymity of being in the tents with multiple other people who all need care more urgently than she does, but it seems there's still going to be attention on her from time to time.
And it's Thranduil. It seems... less acceptable to ignore the ancient elves, even if they're not technically the same. It just feels wrong. She angles her head back slightly, her eyes tired and red as she observes Thranduil out of her periphery.

[rowancrowned]

Hello, little one. [ he steps to her bed, waiting the span of a few moments before he presses his hand to her forehead and brushing the hair away from her face. he strokes it for a few moments longer, tender. fatherly.

he withdraws his hand after a moment, and casts about for a chair. when he finds one, he brings it to the side of the bed and sits there, hands resting in his lap, watching her. he has, of course, noticed the food by the bed, but he'll try his luck with that a little later on. ]

[eolasemah]

It's difficult for Sina not to cry again when Thranduil treats her so tenderly, but she manages to get through with only her eyes watering. She sits up slowly, weakly, and can't seem to meet his eyes.
"Hello," she says back, hollowly. She doesn't want to use elvhen. It feels tainted now, like she's destroyed it somehow.

Ellana

[eolasemah]

It's later in the month, and after weeks of total withdrawal from living society, Sina has finally agreed to see a visitor.
She's gotten out of her bed but continues to wear the shift she's had on since she first got home, her hair lank against her shoulders from lack of care. Normally she'd be too proud to ever allow anyone to see her this way, but she's having trouble caring. About that, or anything else. Even for Ellana.

[serannas]

Ellana is a firm believer in allowing people space and never pushing them too hard. Forcing change and growth will only backfire and nothing is learned. Yet when she walks into the tent and sees Sina (not to mention smells her), her former belief starts to waver. If Sina won't take care of herself, she could grow ill and weaker than she already is due to the shard.

"Don't tell me you've given up on it all," she says, feeling a stab of fear at the thought. She remembers not so long ago Sina coming to tell her of her plans to have the shard removed. It could end in her death, but it could be what saves her instead. Back then, Sina was willing to try, but now it looks like she's given up.

"I'm taking care of you. You can make faces at me all you like, or yell or... or shout, but I'm doing it anyway." Her words sound more confident about this than she feels. She doesn't want to get into a fight.

[eolasemah]

Sina doesn't know how to process anything, let alone give up. If she has, it wasn't intentional. She just... can't... do anything. It all hurts too much.
She looks up at Ellana with an expression that can only be described as tragic, clearly showing no inclination toward making faces or yelling. She's just lost and tired and trying to figure out how to keep existing after what's happened.

[serannas]

Ellana gently guides Sina to sit down and quickly goes around gathering things she'll need, like a basin, soap, cloth, and more. Once she has everything set up, she starts with running the cloth with soapy water over Sina's arms.

"I think the garden has been missing you," she starts conversationally. "The plants all look well and cared for, but somehow the petals and leaves don't seem as vibrant. It's like they can't show their true colors while you're gone."

Cole

[eolasemah]

Unlike the last time she was bedridden, Sina has to fight to stay asleep. Each time she wakes, she has to remember all over again that what happened to her, what she saw, was real. It's too painful, and is draining her more than a physical malady ever could.
For once, her usual recurring dream of the black beach with the green sky has become a refuge. She lies curled in the sand as the waves lap gently against her, and she waits for them to swallow her. It never happens.

Korriceli

[eolasemah]

Having been largely off the map since her return, Sina has finally mustered the energy and presence of mind to sit at the opening of her tent and look out at the garden. She's as thin and pale as she was after her rift-induced illness, but this time the malady is entirely psychological. At least she's finally been persuaded to eat, and to stay awake long enough to give the day a chance.
That doesn't make it any easier.
She sits with her knees drawn up to her chin, gazing emptily into the middle distance.

[gatheringstorm]

Korrin has done her best not to be an intrusive ass the moment she hears Sina has returned, but her concern can only keep her away for so long. Upon hearing that her Dalish friend is awake and alert, she encourages Araceli and Lux to join her in seeking Sina out. They can stop by the kitchen, too, just to make sure she eats something. And yes, Korrin might already be forming plans to get her to the stables to see their latest acquisition, but one thing at atime. Upon stepping into the garden, the Vashoth woman strides over to wrap Sina in a gentle hug.

[foxsays]

When Araceli came back from Craintellier, Sina was there. The exact timing of when she showed up she's still not sure of but it was definitely early, when things were painful, when it just hurt so much she could hardly explain why. Burly rarely requires a great deal of convincing when it comes to providing extra treats but right now it's easier when Araceli has a cane, and was hurting, and says that a friend is hurting too.

Letting Korrin hug her first, Araceli sets the supplies down so she can sit beside her friend more easily and wrap an arm around her. Lux squeezes into the space left, face in Sina's lap. Knowing from her own time recovering that she hated 'how are you' being the first thing she was asked, she ignores the question for the moment, watching her friend out the corner of her eye instead.

"I don't know what you like, so I asked Burly for a few things from the kitchen. A few different cakes and sweets, breaks up the monotony."

[eolasemah]

Sina has managed to go for a while without crying, but by now the desolation has permeated so deeply into her that she's not even sure if she can anymore. At least, that is, until Korrin hugs her. Being enveloped by the large presence simultaneously fills her with a sense of safety and reminds her of how little she is, and she bursts into tears, leaning into the now-present Araceli as she seems to collapse with grief. For the moment, she says nothing.

Anders

[eolasemah]

Sina has now been in the healing tents for several days, mostly just for the purpose of being watched, since it's been difficult to get her to eat or talk to anyone. She's been beyond disconsolate, instead just blank and tired, as though she's shut down entirely, and remains withdrawn for the sake of preserving her own sanity.
She's never seen anything like that before. She's never been hurt like this before. And never, in a thousand lifetimes, would she ever have thought it would be brought on by her own people.

[justice_is_blond]

Anders quietly brings over a tray around lunchtime, setting it down along with cutlery and taking a seat near her. A moment later he's clicking his tongue and a familiar cat hops up near Sina to sit and purr. Maybe Purrelden isn't doing so well as a warrior cat, but she's learning how to help people. In a way, that might be more important.

"Sina." His voice is gentle and quiet. "You don't have to look at me, but I need you to either take the fork or allow me to feed you, please."

[eolasemah]

Sina isn't really used to cats the way they're kept around Skyhold-- her clan has no need for them, as they rarely stay in one place long enough for vermin to become a problem. But she'd been somewhat adopted by Buttercup when he was around, so when Purrelden hops up beside her, she actually stirs and timidly holds out a hand to her.
She doesn't answer Anders right away, still collecting herself as she lightly pets the cat. If she turns toward him, he'll see how weak she is.

[justice_is_blond]

At least she's petting the cat. That's something to be glad of. For a few moments, he lets that suffice. Purrelden knows her secondary job, she can give Sina a little comfort. After that passes, though, Anders takes a breath and scoops some food up on the fork.

"It's time to eat, Sina. You can continue to pet her if you'd like during, but I know you're weak."

Nari

[eolasemah]

It's not that Sina doesn't want to talk to Nari. But as soon as she comes in from the healing tents, her hands bandaged and her face weary and her posture small and defensive, all she wants to do is hide. If she tries to talk to her clansister, she'll start crying again, and she won't be able to stop. She'll have to relive everything, and answer questions that she doesn't know how to answer, and she just... can't.
So she glances briefly at her as she steps inside, then immediately goes to her bedroll and lies down, facing away from Nari. There is, at least, no vibe of hostility or mistrust given off: just desolation, exhaustion. She curls up tightly and tries not to move.

[nadasharillen]

She'd been sitting perched on the end of her cot, waiting, for hours. Days? Ever since she heard word that Sina was in the healing tents, and ever since she'd been turned away by a kind but no-nonsense apprentice who'd said that the First of Dahlasanor would see no-one. All she'd been able to gather was that the mission that Sina had been so blase about when she left Ashara had failed, and badly.

The waiting left her a lot of time to think, to pick at her calluses endlessly until one started to bleed, to scold herself, to bandage, to think again. What to do, when Sina's pale face finally appeared through the tent flaps? The over protective fussing had passed its time, she'd tried self-recrimination and found it did more harm than good, the old fall-back of retreating into their shared culture and the comfort of Elvhen was...

She clenched her fist, watched sullenly as the pressure made red spread slow and small on the bandage, let hate for the betrayal make her vision fuzz.

Harellanen. Traitors all. And Sina--Sina loved the People. Sina believed. Or she had, anyway.

A small noise at the tent flap derailed her thoughts, and then it was too late for more thoughts. Her clansister had returned, wan and weary. Their eyes met briefly before the younger elf turned away to curl small on her bedroll. Nahariel wanted to embrace her. Curl up behind her as she had sometimes when they were young. She waited for a while in the silence. Then she moved to the other side of the tent just to sit, her back to Sina's, not touching, but close enough that she could feel the tingle on her back that meant someone was there behind her. And then she waited again.