faderift | (no subject)

"I think he plans to return to the Clan, but I desperately want him to stay." He sipped at the drink for a moment, as he considered the way he worded that and how honest it had been. "Not just because I want to be near him, though. I feel like escaping the Keeper is one of the best things to happen to so many of us. Pel is thriving, Beleth is a division head, Merrick has gone to find his own way... I want to see the man that Sorrel becomes when he's allowed to be who he wants to be, not the forced costume of himself his mother insists on cramming him into."

"I want him to have experiences she wouldn't approve of. I want him to experience pleasure and affection and be allowed to spread his wings. I want see who he becomes when he's allowed that. I bet he'd be beautiful."

Edited 2017-10-23 00:18 (UTC)

With that information, Sam hums lightly and momentarily loses himself in his drink, idly sipping at it, mostly using it as a separation to give him time to think about that. All the elves who had left the clan were doing better, but from he had learned from all of them, especially Cyril, it wasn't easy to just leave the Clan. Sorrel would probably have the hardest time, being the son of the Keeper and the First. It took a lot of time to teach someone the ways of the Keeper and starting fresh...

"Sounds like even more reason for you to talk to him, before you get into anything. That would be a lot on both of you if he does decide to return." It was one thing if they did do something and couldn't come to an agreement on how to see each other, but adding the Clan to the whole thing. Sam doesn't want Cyril to put himself through that.

"When I try to talk to him about staying with us, he gets upset. I don't like upsetting him." Cyril blinks and sips again at the drink. He's starting to feel it. He hardly ever drinks so he's a total lightweight.

"I want to support him. I can't tell him how to live his life. I believe each of us needs the freedom to make our own way."

"Hm." As he listens, Sam idly twists the stem of his glass between his fingers. Sorrel could feel conflicted and thus didn't want to talk about it, which made sense.

"I hate to say it, Cyril, but if you cannot talk to him about that decision going back to the Clan... if that's what he is going to do, it might be better if you don't pursue anything... That wouldn't be fair to either one of you."

"I'm not going to pursue anything. Not matter how much I want to touch him and kiss him, I'm not going to."

Sam blinks at that, fingers stilling on the glass. Wait a minute, if Cyril wasn't going to then- "You just wanted to talk to get this off your chest?" He's double checking. If that was the case then he feels a little foolish, giving advice thinking that's what Cyril was looking for.

Cyril sighed and then shrugged. "I don't know what I wanted, if I'm honest. That's why I suggested drinking. I feel like my chest is a bunch of jumbles and I need someone to help me sort through it."

"Ah." Alright, feeling less foolish now, but it doesn't uncomplicate things. He's quiet for a moment once more, staring at his drink. "You know... if Iskandar was here he'd probably say just to tell Sorrel how you feel. You can only work through something if you start someplace."

Cyril bites his lip and nods. He drinks once more and then sort of sways as he thinks that over.

"I think what I want to do, ultimately, is help Sorrel realize he'd be better here, with us. In the Inquisition, I mean. Then I want to find a nice elf boy for him to experience pleasure and attraction with. And encourage him to use that opportunity to learn more about his own desires and how to embrace them."

He sighed, glad to have sorted at least that out. "And then I'll just quietly wish I was that elf boy."

At seeing Cyril sway, Sam sets his drink to the side to pay better attention; he even moves his chair a little bit closer just in case.

"You sound a little jealous of 'nonexistent elf boy in the future'," he teases lightly, bringing a hand up to lightly rub at Cyril's wrist. "If that time comes... you can have a different conversation with him. If he can only do the monogamous thing then... yeah you help find him someone, but you shouldn't do it for him."

"I sound jealous?" Cyril asks and frowns at that. He hates that idea. He prides himself on not being jealous of the people he cares for. He has literally seen Kirk and Sam living together and only feels pleased at the thought that Sam has someone else around to care for him. The idea that he would be jealous of a hypothetical man who was with Sorrel bothers him.

He sighs, blowing his breath out so hard his bangs flap a bit. "That seems so crass doesn't it? It will be after his wife has died."

He doesn't chuckle, but the look Cyril gives certainly makes Sam want to. "Nothing wrong with getting jealous, Cyril. How you let it affect you and how you deal with it is important though." He's sure Cyril has gotten jealous before but possibly hadn't realized it? Maker, it was part of being a kid most of the time. "I get jealous," he adds. Helpfully?

"Maybe a little. Talking about the time after a person dies is like that. But you are thinking of Sina and not wishing her ill. You just want Sorrel to be happy in the future." So long as Cyril didn't plan on doing it like as soon as she was in the ground, because that would be super crass.

Cyril wishes there was a way for Sina to live. Considering what he had discovered about her, he thought the two of them could have come up with an understanding.

He wants to talk a bit more about that, but he gets side tracked. "You get jealous? Of what?"

"It's surprising that I do?" Sam chuckles lightly at that, taking a long sip of his adopted drink; he suspected Cyril would ask that.

"Plenty of things. There have been plenty of times where I was envious of those who didn't have magic." He's had the thought less lately since he's been living pretty well and happily despite a war. "For a short time I was kind of jealous of the guys you were sleeping with after we met again in Skyhold. A lot of it stemmed from confusion... but at some point I got over it." Probably around when he started spending time with Krem.

Cyril relaxes just a bit at what Sam describes. He had been worried the jealousy would be more recent than that, but hearing that it's in the past makes him less worried.

He frowns a bit at the idea that Sam would be envious enough to wish his magic gone, but he knows he can't really comment on that. He isn't a mage.

"I... I don't think I experience that so much as regret. When you started to develop a relationship I wasn't jealous of it, so much as regretful that I couldn't be that person for you." He smirks a bit and leans up over the table. He doesn't lean close enough to kiss Sam, but there's an implied invitation there if Sam wants to lean in closer. "And now look at us."

It wasn't that he didn't get jealous as of late, but most of the time is was fleeting and never deep seated. That and past events were easier examples to talk about.

"That's a good reason to be regretful," he replies with a growing grin, watching how Cyril leaned over the table towards him. When Cyril stops Sam waits for a moment before leaning in the rest of the way, but stops just short of taking up that invitation. "You mean sitting in a brothel, drinking alcohol, together?" He chuckles lightly at that, knowing that wasn't what Cyril was getting at, and then gives him a peck on the lips; just giving a little of what he wants.

"Like I said, nothing wrong with getting a little jealous." He knows Cyril prides himself in that, and for the most part he probably doesn't, but Sam doesn't want him thinking that if he does feel it, even a little, that it is a bad thing. "For example," he starts, his eyes drifting over to something as he continues to talk, "even if you're here with me and having a good time, you decide to take Adriano here," his head tilts back just a bit as he stresses 'here' slightly, pointed looking at someone, "to a room." Clearly he means without him; he knows Cyril wouldn't do that, but that's why it is an example.

"Adriano," he says a moment later, greeting the human man who had decided to join them.

Cyril hummed happily at the chaste kiss before settling back into his seat. Even if it had just been a little taste, it still made Cyril's chest flutter. For a long time, he had thought that sensation was uncomfortable, but now he knew to enjoy it.

Cyril looks over at the human and smiles at him, but then looks back over at Sam. "Wouldn't it be easier just to ask you to join too?"

"I think you're missing the point of the example," he snorts amiably with a shake of his head.

"I rather like the example your friend is making though," Adriano pipes in, using his hands to lean against both of their chairs. He flashes Sam a smile before turning his gaze onto Cyril. "You've been gone a while and you return with 'gifts'."

Sam sighs lightly, knowing it was inevitable before someone came over. "Cyril, this is Adriano. Adriano, Cyril. He was having a bad day so we came for drinks."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Adriano," Cyril replied honestly, offering him a smile. "I can see why Sam likes to come here, with company that is so fine."

He might be flirting with Adriano, but most of his attention is focused on Sam. He seems to be watching him to see if he reacts any certain way to the flirting.

"And perhaps you could better explain the example, love. I'm afraid I'm probably too drunk to process things at my normal speed."

From experience, Sam knows Cyril is flirting and it doesn't seem to bother him in the least; that was just what Cyril did after all, especially when it was an attractive man. "Maybe I should explain it when you're less drunk then? And less occupied." He has a feeling that even if he did try to explain it even more simply that it would go over Cyril's head with their current company.

Adriano on the other hand seems more affected by Cyril's flirting, leaning closer to the elf with a hand over his chest after muttering a 'Oh, I like this one' to Sam. "The pleasure is all mine, Cyril. And you're much too kind. I've been talking up this one for a while now," he says, patting Sam on the shoulder, "but he never has any interest. He's always here with another man and orders drinks."

"He did say he comes here for drinks. Is the other man Kirk? He's dreamy isn't he? Sam has very good taste in partners. I'd say he has two of the best looking men in the Inquisition," Cyril teases lightly.

He doesn't realize that at the word 'Inquisition' another patron close by perks up and glares over at the three of them, paying more attention now.

"Kirk? Hm. I know he's been here with two other men before. One I heard was James and the other was Jim. They both were rather good looking so I'm inclined to agree. You're rather fetching yourself, Cyril. Wouldn't that be three of the best looking then?"

Sam coughs lightly on his drink when Adriano brings up the names. "Cyril is referring to himself and Jim - his last name is Kirk - being my partners. James is only a friend," he quickly adds in trying to defuse any thoughts on that quickly. Likewise Sam doesn't seem to notice the other patron with his focus so on the current subject.

Cyril chuckles drunkingly. "Hm-mm," he agrees. "Jim and me. We get to kiss this pretty face. It's one of my favorite faces too." He drank a bit more of the drink.

"Though your face is very nice too, Adriano."

Seeing just how drunk Cyril was getting Adriano leans a bit more onto his chair in particular. "Ah, so you have noticed. Thank you! I must say, you have quite the lovely face yourself, dear; such fair skin." As he says that he gives a wide grin before letting it turn into a pout, making sure Cyril sees it. "I have to say, I'm a little jealous; Sam hasn't let me kiss that pretty face of his, and he doesn't seem to notice how nice mine is either."

He would point out that was a good example he was trying to give Cyril on jealousy, but at the moment he was a bit occupied with where this conversation was going. "I'm generally in the habit of not kissing people I'm not seeing... And I'm sure I'd get charged for it." The look on Adriano's face confirms that he probably wasn't off on that.

"Maybe one day, Adriano. I'll buy him a birthday gift or something," Cyril says with a smile.