OPEN

[sulahnan]

WHO: Athessa and YOU!
WHAT: Catch-all because I need to stop exclusively inboxing
WHEN: Whenever but mostly now-ish, post-dream meme
WHERE: Around, Kirkwall and the Gallows, maybe in the field who knows
NOTES: NSFW threads will be marked and/or moved to my NSFW inbox, CW as needed, blah blah blah

Specific starters in the comments!

Comments

[bouchonne]

He doesn't seem particularly injured by the assertion. Instead, he spreads his hands, and raises his eyebrows, and replies, "No one ever asked you to try to solve me, dear girl. Perhaps the relevant issue is not my impossibility; perhaps it is that you oughtn't be spending so much energy on this."

[sulahnan]

"Tch, make up your mind, is it a cat or a deer?" She grumbles, crossing her arms defiantly despite having just leaned into her own affected stupidity. And she clearly has more to say, but doesn't.

[bouchonne]

He stares at her a moment, genuinely thrown off by the comment. Finally - "D-e-a-r. Darling. Cherished. Not d-e-e-r."

[sulahnan]

"More like p-a-t-r-o-n-i-z-i-n-g," She hesitates fractionally towards the end of that spelling, unsure whether it's an S or a Zed she needs.

[bouchonne]

"I have no idea what you just spelled," he replies loftily. Then, with a little wobble of his hand - "My reading and writing aren't grand, you see. Look, what do you actually want to talk about?"

[sulahnan]

Athessa can't help but bristle, thinking he's making fun of her for her own reading and writing, which is demonstrably far worse than his.

"I actually want to know what I did to piss you off. I might be stupid but I can tell when someone's huffy at me." His recent huffiness being quite different from his previous characteristic huffiness, the kind where she's in a minefield without a map, sure, but at least hasn't done anything wrong. "Or if you just don't like me."

[bouchonne]

His response is quite brusque. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

[sulahnan]

Quite quickly, a pen is snatched up from his desk and thrown at his face.

[bouchonne]

Normally, he'd have quick enough reflexes to deal with that. But it's so weird and unexpected that it hits him. He jerks back and snaps, "Ow." Then: "What the hell."

[sulahnan]

"No you what the hell!" Not her best retort. "I mean--you know what I mean! Talk to me like a fucking grown-up!" She snatches up another pen.

[bouchonne]

"You put that pen down," he says, finger pointed at her, jaw thrust out, eyes narrowed.

[sulahnan]

"Answer the questions!" Her own jaw is set, lips pressed together and pen held aloft in preparation to throw.

[bouchonne]

"Fine," he snaps, and says, "I am not huffy at you. As a matter of fact, I barely know who you are, and I cannot remember a single conversation we've ever had, ever." Not his most subtle insult, and just a reiteration of the more elegant version he'd uttered earlier, but, well - he's irritated and a little flustered by being pelted by writing implements.

[sulahnan]

She throws the pen and immediately snatches up another and throws it, too.

"Why are you like this?!"

[bouchonne]

He bats away this pen, then surges to his feet and stalks over to her. Mad as he is, he doesn't strike her or anything of the sort - he just shoves away all pens and books and anything that could potentially be used as a projectile.

[sulahnan]

And she scrambles to her feet to grab any of them before he shoves them, but only manages a blank piece of paper. Hardly intimidating. She balls it up and bounces it off of his forehead, for the principle of the thing, you see.

"If I'm such a nobody then stop trying to give me advice like you're my friend or something!"

[bouchonne]

"I've never tried to give you advice," he growls, in spite of the times he's tried to give her advice. "Honestly, I could have you thrown out of this office, you know."

[sulahnan]

"Then do it, because otherwise you're stuck with me until you spill it." She looks at the desk, scanning it for ammo, but there's nothing that wouldn't actually cause damage.

So she sits on the desk and crosses her arms again.

[bouchonne]

It is genuinely tempting. For a moment, he really considers it. But he's not entirely certain of the logistics of how it would work, and he's honestly not even entirely certain that any of the members of diplomacy would do that if he ordered them to, and so he scowls, bluff adequately called.

"Fine," he finally says. "If I am irritated with you, it is because you have been irritating. So."

[sulahnan]

"Bullshit," is her immediate assessment. "I've been irritating all my life, I think I can tell the difference by now when someone's irritated because of who I am and when it's a specific thing. And you already said that you don't even know me, so how can it possibly be the former?"

[bouchonne]

He clenches his teeth. Fine. Fine. Finally, he spits out - "Because you assumed something utterly vile of me."

[sulahnan]

I thought you wanted people to think of you as a scoundrel is right there, waiting to be said, flippant and bratty, but instead she frowns and says nothing for a moment. Is that really all this is? Her determination to get to the bottom of it doesn't wither, but her readiness to be childish about it scarpers and she doesn't know what to say.

She can't even properly revel in her victory, getting Byerly to say what the problem is.

"Well. Clearly, I was...wrong. And I'm sorry," said like someone who doesn't apologize often. Awkwardly. Haltingly.

[bouchonne]

And Byerly looks as though he's not the sort of person who gets apologized to often. He looks a little uncertain, mouth set at a confused angle, shoulders hunching upwards. Then he twitches his head slightly to the side, and jerks his shoulders up, and mutters -

"It doesn't matter."

[sulahnan]

"'Course it does," Not that she can really articulate why it matters. It just does.

[bouchonne]

He lets out a breath and looks at her. "Why, precisely?"