Hot or Not

[sulahnan]

WHO: Athessa & Wysteria, walk-ins welcome
WHAT: Ranking the hotness of their coworkers
WHEN: Now, during mod-plot
WHERE: Orlais
NOTES: keepin' it light and spammy

[ Well, what else are ya supposed to do when scrubbing sigils off of walls? ]

I mean I guess he could be cute...if he changed his hair.

Comments

[sulahnan]

[ Athessa does not pause mid-scrub, instead speaking over her efforts to clear away the sigil. She neither looks gentile nor like a washer woman, wearing breezy trousers and a midriff-baring shirt that has no sleeves to roll. ]

It distracts from his face.

[heirring]

If that is the extent of your objection, it hardly qualifies. I could hardly name a single person in Riftwatch who is without some distracting feature or whim of personality which somehow detracts in some minor way from their handsomeness.

[She resumes scrubbing, the hard rasp of the brush a cheerful staccato.]

—Save perhaps for Captain Rivain, of course. The man is entirely without flaw.

[sulahnan]

Vice Admiral.

[ Scrub scrub. ]

But I do agree with that. He's stupidly handsome.

[ A re-application of suds to her brush gives her the space to come up with another objection. ]

Alright, so other than the hair, he's kinda skinny, which is fine, I can't fault anyone for that without also faulting myself, but I prefer more... sturdy, outdoorsy types.

[heirring]

[The sidelong look Wysteria shoots her says, Gross but go on.]

[sulahnan]

[ Her counter glance says gross but go on in a mocking tone an octave higher than Wysteria's. Somehow. ]

Like...Ellis. He's so handsome.

[heirring]

[Blechk.]

Mr. Ellis? I suppose so, yes. If sturdy outdoorsy types is indeed your preference, then Mr. Ellis is fairly typical of the breed. He is indeed quite... [searching for a word here, as if attempting to select from a rolodex the least uncharitable way of putting a thing. After all, they are excellent friends.] Solid.

[sulahnan]

I wouldn't call him typical, but that's just me. What breed [ Hate the connotations of that word... ] would be your preference?

[heirring]

Someone clever and dashing, [is so prompt that clearly she has had this profile established as Her Preference for some time.]

Not that Mr. Ellis lacks in either category. He is plenty bright. And I assume that most Wardens are [hmmmmmmm, pausing to consider their roster of Wardens and then promptly editing her direction accordingly] dashing in concept. When you don't know them well.

Consider Enchanter Julius, were he slightly younger and unattached. Or Enchanter Leander, I suppose. He is quite sharp.

[sulahnan]

Noooooo, [ is maybe too prompt a reaction to Leander being mentioned. ] Leander is too sharp, like glass.

And Enchanter Julius is too bookish. If we're choosing between Enchanters, I'd prefer Rowntree. Or Kostos, but I don't think of him as an Enchanter, and he's...

[ Clever, sure, dashing...no. Dashing implies more than looks. ] An asshole. Which doesn't discount him, for me, clearly, but.

[heirring]

[There are questions to press there. Like glass? Don't be absurd. Too bookish?! Is such a thing possible? Luckily, Athessa chooses the exact avenue required to diverge from the subject of book nerds and how they qualify as dashing.]

UGH! [she exclaims practically on top of Athessa's assessment of the Younger Averesch. Wysteria plunges her scrub brush into the nearby sudsy bucket.]

The man's personality is utterly a disqualification!

[sulahnan]

[ Athessa snorts. ]

Translates well into enthusiasm though.

[ Wink wonk. ]

[heirring]

[For a flat moment, it doesn't quite—]

No!

[Her arm is still submerged in the bucket.]

[sulahnan]

Yeees.

[ Spoken from experience, you see. Athessa puts a little more elbow-grease into a particularly stuck-on bit of paint. ]

[heirring]

[Cue an emphatic noise of utter revulsion and a great sloshing of water as she wrenches arm and scrub brush free, and commits to the work of scrubbing with renewed enthusiasm.]

[sulahnan]

[ Athessa's laugh could be described as unladylike, or undignified, but also as thoroughly honest. She's delighted. ]

Alright, what about Loxley, then? He's like, the epitome of dashing. And very charming. And he has great hair.

[ And he smells nice, and has beautiful eyes, and has horns, and he's a good kisser, and, and, and... ]

[heirring]

[Still sharp, boiling over the crude concept of Kostos' enthusiasm:] I've never spoken to the man. However his familiar friend, Mr. Dickerson, is delightful.

—Not as romantic prospect exactly, of course. He's slightly too old.

[sulahnan]

Then judge on aesthetics. [ How could anyone not find Loxley handsome? ]

But I agree that Richard is delightful. I like his non-romantic company.

[heirring]

He's fine. [Loxely is.] Certainly pleasant enough to look at from a distance.

[Ugh. Enthusiasm.]

[sulahnan]

[ Doubt. ] You should see him up close, then.

[heirring]

Then Mr. Loxley should see to attending more silly Riftwatch parties or spending more time in the Gallows where he might be seen up close if he cares to be seen at proximity.

[sulahnan]

Alright, alright.

[ Another dip into the suds. ]

Say — [ As in say, you're a smart cookie, whaddya think of— ] — How would you define romantic, anyway?

[heirring]

Practically, or theoretically?

[sulahnan]

[ A musical hmm as she decides: ]

Both? I have a feeling it's more complex than what people write in books, ya know? Do you think there's a universal definition, or is it completely subjective, but with overlap?

[heirring]

I believe Monsieur Bastien—who is also fine, by the way; he would be better served were he to shave his mustache. It makes him look rather old—once asked some similar question.

In any case, no. [This particular sigil was drawn in something less permanent than paint. It's coming up marvelously well under the scrub brush.] No feeling is universal, but all feelings have a sort of logic to them, I think. Which is precisely why I would disagree and say that romance is always so much more complicated in books than in real life. It has to be or else it wouldn't be so interesting to such a wide audience. I guarantee that half the people who love one another in real life do so simply because they share some sense of consideration for each other.

[sulahnan]

He would not —

[ That, a direct response to the claim that Bastien would be better off without his mustache, but Athessa quiets to listen to Wysteria's answer. ]

The ones I've read all just seem... too samey.

I suppose you think that Chevalier should shave his mustache, too?