Once the Council votes on the resolution and it passes, Ellana has work to do. Gathering the mages together for training may not be an easy task, but she'll leave that to the other Councilors. Her concern is seeing that Sina is trained too. Being so timid and obviously weakened from her shard, Ellana decided that it would be best to train Sina separately from the other mages. The girl didn't need that kind of stress with eyes on her, but she seemed fine around Ellana.
Of course, this is all dependent on Sina accepting Ellana's offer, so she now goes to find her to ask.
Sina is on poultice duty near the healing tents, encouraged not to stray too far in case something happens. She'll return to the garden soon enough, but for now she's just trying to make herself useful. When she sees Ellana approaching, she smiles at her over her mortar and pestle.
"Hello. I'm not bothering you, am I?" Ellana asks, eyes darting down to the mortar. Sina seems to always be keeping herself busy, and her work is important to her. Ellana can only wish to have that sort of work ethic someday.
Sina smiles and shakes her head, setting the tools down. "Never," she replies, a tinge of redness creeping onto her cheeks. "Is this about the mage training?"
"It is, actually," Ellana replies, pleased that she isn't catching Sina off guard. She wouldn't want her to be startled, especially since she resembles a skittish animal in her manner sometimes. "I thought you might benefit more from having one-on-one lessons instead of being grouped together with everyone else. It's different for Dalish mages. We aren't cooped up in Circles and learning in big groups." It should be noted that Ellana actually has no idea what lessons in a Circle are like, and is just making assumptions.
"So would you like that? I thought that as someone on the Council, I could give the lessons."
Although Sina remained gentle in tone, she quickly cut through what she assumed to be pleasantries. "It's because of the shard," she guessed, and though her smile remained-- she wasn't angry, nor did she want Ellana to think she wasn't appreciative-- she wanted to make sure she understood every angle.
"That would be fine," she said, for added reassurance.
It's been hard to know where she stands now with Merrick, after she accidentally invaded his privacy like she did. It was only done to help save his life and not for any malicious reason, but he's hardly spoken to her since, and when he has, his words have been like ice. She wants to be like they were before, only she doesn't know how to approach him. Giving him time hasn't resulted in him coming to her, and in fact, he probably never will. It's finally dawned on her that the little presents she'd find among her belongings were from him, because they've stopped coming since the Mire. And there finally comes a point where she doesn't want to sit back and not try to make things right. Whether he comes around or ends up hating her more, at least she can say she tried.
Merrick isn't easy to find, especially alone. She spotted him at the First Day celebration surrounded by people he was swindling for money, so she had to wait. But today she manages to find him alone, and steels herself for a fight, or being ignored.
"Hello. Did you make a lot of money arm wrestling?"
It's been a few days since the party. Merrick has since...recovered, and is now spending a few moments alone, perched on one of the walls above the training area. It's fun to watch the soldiers bash each other, and he lurks a while, pipe smoldering between his lips.
He isn't doing all that much to stay hidden, so Ellana can spot him easily enough. He glances up at her, expression hard to read, and shrugs.
"It was a good enough haul." Enough to get himself some new armor and a pair of blades, which he plans on shopping for soon.
"That's good," she replies with a nod, feeling relieved that he's at least acknowledging her. She hasn't planned out what she wants to say, thinking it'd be better to see the situation first. How Merrick responds to her will determine what she says.
"It's strange earning money, after so long in the clan." But she likes earning it, and is still saving up for a lute of her own. After a moment's thought, she moves to sit on the wall with a person's width of space between them. Watching the soldiers train is a near-daily activity for her, so she doesn't pay them much attention right now.
"I've missed spending time with you," she admits quietly.
'Earning', she says. Merrick almost lets out a snort of laughter, but instead keeps the same level expression as he looks down below again. The hollowness in his chest he feels at the sight of her hasn't gone away, and his apprehension is visible in the slight downturn of his ears.
Oh, well this isn't good. She bites her lip, waiting a moment, but the silence stretches on. Her eyes stay on the ground below, unable to meet his eyes. But she draws in a breath, wanting to at least try and salvage this.
"Merrick," she begins, "I'm so sorry. I know it was an invasion of your privacy, but I didn't want you to freeze. I would have listened to you if you weren't in danger of dying, I swear."
Merrick's grip on the wall tightens. The way her voice sounds just then-- If this were just a few weeks earlier, he'd have wanted to turn and tug her into his arms, bury his fingers in her hair and sing any note to chase those sorrows away. Now, he just feels like the hollowness in his chest has spread to his arms and legs, and that the wind will cast him away if he releases his grip on the wall.
His silence drags on even after she's finished speaking, stretching until the point of snapping before he finally responds.
Her distance from Merrick makes Ellana realize how distant she's felt from the other Asharas lately, and that results in her searching Skyhold for Gavin. There was a time she could consider him to be an older brother, and she doesn't want to lose that feeling completely. She has no family, and despite making new friends, she doesn't want to lose the old. In order for a friendship to work, both people have to meet in the middle, and she hasn't exactly been reaching out to him lately. But she'll remedy that now.
"Gavin," she calls once she finds him. "Are you busy?"
Despite the fact that they are now into winter and are stationed in the mountains, Skyhold continues to be mostly temperate due to the hot springs underneath. That leads Ellana to take a book from the library outside in order to read in the natural light. The library is so dim and cramped; it's a wonder anyone accomplishes anything inside there. Today she sits on the grass by the barn, her back against a tree as she flips pages in her book. She looks rather absorbed, but after a minute she looks up to clear her head and spots Galadriel nearby. Pleased to see her, Ellana waves.
"Aneth ara," she greets warmly. "How are you today?"
The area near the stable was never truly free of other people, but it was rarely as busy or crowded as the rest of the fortress. On the odd occasion, Galadriel had come upon familiar faces lingering or resting in this place, but that hadn't been her goal today. In fact she'd come to this corner of Skyhold because it was the easiest place to find some meager measure of solitude, some quiet to practice magic, but that endeavor was happily abandoned upon hearing Ellana's greeting.
"I am well enough," Galadriel answered as she crossed the distance to the tree beside the barn. There was some darkness that haunted her but sunlight made banishing those thoughts easier.
The day was bright and beautiful, temperate despite the cold wind off the mountains, and the fact that Ellana had a book with her was unsurprising. The dappled light beneath the trees would have been perfect for reading, or simply for relaxation, and Galadriel could only smile as she stepped into the partial shade and alongside the Dalish elf. She did not sit, not at first, if only because the plain staff in her hands made it an awkward affair.
"And you, mellon nin, how does the day treat you?" Galadriel asked and leaned slightly to peer at the book in her hands. She had learned to read the letters of these lands, but the fondness for embellishment, particularly on the covers of these books, was often too much for her. Whatever Ellana had brought to read, Galadriel couldn't decipher it by cover alone, at least not with any ease.
"I hope I have not interrupted you, is your reading terribly important?"
"Very well, ma serannas." Darkness has touched nearly everyone at Skyhold lately, because the Abomination attack was felt by all, even if they didn't directly witness it. It's made the Council desperate to respond in a way that can satisfy people without giving away their rights.
"Oh, this? It's important to me, but I can finish it any time. It's about old elven sites throughout southern Thedas. I want to familiarize myself with them, so I can explore them someday." She closes the book and sets it aside, more keen to speak with Galadriel at the moment. "Our civilization is all but lost, except for the broken down remnants left behind."
Galadriel cast a short glance at the book as Ellana set it aside. The cover looked so similar to the others in the library, had Ellana not told her of its contents, she might've never known.
"I did not realize there were elven accounts in the library. When I found only the common speech on the pages, I assumed the whole of it was penned by the hands of men," Galadriel admitted and, after a brief moment of consideration, propped her staff against the tree and moved to sit alongside the Dalish elf.
Ruins and broken remnants of older lands were not unusual things, not in any land, and Galadriel knew just how easily something could pass out of mind and be forgotten. Ultimately, all that was required to render cities, countries, even whole civilizations into myth and memory was time. It was something Galadriel lamented deeply, but it was not so deep a hurt that it could stay her curiosity.
"I have heard much about how the elves of Thedas lost everything, but I have not yet been told what was lost, nor how it came to pass. If recounting it does not bother you, I should like to know more about it all."
Ellana's eyes dart to the book, then back to Galadriel, her expression a bit embarrassed. If she could have found a book written by an elf, she would be completely absorbed in it right now.
"It is written by a human man," she says softly. "I haven't been able to find anything on the subject written by elves. Even the elven tales told by Gisharel Ralaferin weren't in a book published by him. He told the humans our stories so they would survive, and the humans published it. Many Dalish think he did wrong, but I don't. Whatever helps others understand us better is fine by me."
But the opportunity to spread elven tales to an elf from another world is one she won't take for granted. She immediately begins telling Galadriel what she knows of the ancient days.
"Our people were once the only intelligent race in Thedas, or Elvhenan as we called it. That means 'the place of our people,' and at that time we were immortal. We lived in beautiful cities, but our capital was at Arlathan. That means 'this place of love.' It was located in the Arlathan Forest, which is in the Tevinter Imperium today. After the elves came the dwarves, and we had no quarrel with them. Then came the humans, and it's said that their presence somehow caused us to lose our immortality. The humans conquered Arlathan and the whole of the empire, taking elves as their slaves. For centuries we lived that way, and as time passed, we lost more and more of our history."
Ellana pauses, allowing Galadriel to absorb all that. It's a hollow ache in her chest, to know so much is gone. Could some of it be recovered if she were to explore some of these ruins herself?
To say that Galadriel was shocked by what she heard would have been a grave understatement. Ellana had spoken well, her answer was clear and concise, but her brevity carried the unmistakable weight of great tragedy; men had taken immortality--had taken an empire from the elves here? They had even taken the name of these lands, dubbed it separately from those who came before--
Centuries? In mere centuries they had done this?
They had been reduced to slaves?
All too quickly the somber faces, the sadness and idle hope in the expressions of the elves here, were put into context. The weary warnings, the longing for a lost home, the delight she saw in them as she called them kin, all of it made far too much sense and Galadriel was struck silent.
It was not often that she found herself wanting of words, but long moments passed as she considered what she'd been told, what she'd seen of these elves, and she found nothing to say. She had been emphatic in her greetings, utterly assured that these elves would be counted among her people, that they were no farther in relation than the elves who refused to travel to Aman, and that opinion had not changed. When she had first seen the Dalish, she had taken comfort in the fact that, even diminished, mortal, and wandering, her people remained themselves. It cheered her, that they had not degenerated to the darkness, had not simply become another shade of mortal man, lost to time and the marring of the world. Now?
She found that there was far less comfort to take.
But, perhaps that wasn't entirely correct.
Galadriel glanced at the book and her brow dipped in thought. If the ruins were all that remained, it was no wonder she had been unable to find elven accounts among the books and scrolls the Inquisition kept. No such accounts existed. Yet, even without such things, Ellana found an opportunity for learning, for discovery, and it was hard to grieve in the face of such hope.
"And so you search for what remains?" Galadriel asked and looked back at Ellana.
Back in the clan, Ellana was hearthmistress. It was a fancy title that simply meant "light the fires and gather wood to keep them going." It was a task for her to do where she could use her magic to help make the work go faster. Her Keeper hoped it would give her purpose, because Ellana hadn't been allowed to learn Keeper magic, nor was she taught how to lead a clan or protect them. But it really hadn't been enough to stop Ellana's heart from wanting to roam.
Now she sits cross-legged on a table in from of the fireplace in the great hall, staring into the flames and remembering the clan. It may be that she's a little homesick, but not near enough to want to pack up and leave the Inquisition. In fact, now that she's away from the clan, she's pretty sure she doesn't want to return on a permanent basis. She'll visit, if they'll allow it, and the Keeper always lets Gavin come back, doesn't she?
She turns when she sees movement, and it's Varric coming to stand beside the fireplace. She offers him a smile, then asks, "Do you miss Kirkwall, Varric?"
"Oh sure," Varric ceded, because that was definitely the sort of statement that contained some inherent level of surrender. "Probably as much as anyone can miss Kirkwall."
Out of habit (A terrible habit, but that was hardly surprising. Varric wasn't really the sort of dwarf who threw in with good habits.), Varric cracked his knuckles and stretched his hands toward the fire. Ellana was on the table and Varric came to an ambling stop, halfway between the cross-legged elf and the actual fire.
"It's a terrible place but it's home." He shrugged and cast a sidelong look at Ellana. She had a very pensive look about her, the sort of look that wanted conversation but wasn't quite 100% on what that conversation ought to be. Whatever had her staring at his (excessively stoked) fireplace, she was still mulling it over. "You planning a trip, Lilac? Because you should really choose a better destination than Kirkwall."
"Not Kirkwall, no. I was just thinking about the places we've all left behind, whether we left to join the Inquisition, or had to leave for other reasons. For me, this is such a change. I've been with my clan my whole life." And there's nothing wrong with that; she's just always wanted more.
"I get letters from a few people back there, but I just found myself thinking of them, and what I would be doing right now if I was still there. Probably this." Ellana waves a hand towards the fire. "I kept the fires lit."
"A noble profession," Varric said with such sagely sincerity even he was shocked that he'd managed it with a straight face. Then again, while he would joke about most things, he didn't joke about being warm and, between Skyhold and Haven, he had developed a distinct appreciation for a well kept fire.
"But, then again, if you were there, you'd be missing out on all of the end-of-the-world excitement and charming dwarven company," Varric added a moment later and rubbed his hands together in front of the fire.
In a more serious and less flippant tone, Varric continued: "It's not unusual to miss home, to miss the people left behind, even if your home is less exciting or, in my case, a cesspit with excellent architecture."
Ellana could only give him a look. It hardly felt noble at the time. It was easy for her to do it with her magic, but it was something that anyone could do with ease and hardly anything that set her apart.
"That's what I figured. Even if I don't want to go back, I miss them." Realizing what she's said, her head lowers a little. "I mean, I do want to go back eventually. To visit. I don't think I could go back and live there permanently again." Which probably isn't a surprise to the others in the clan. After Gavin, Ellana is the one most likely to run and not look back.
Only maybe she'll look back a little.
"Will you return to Kirkwall, after all this is over? And don't say anything like 'provided I survive.' Think positively."
Varric could only chuckle at her preemptive reprimand. He couldn't argue it, she'd pegged his answer almost as quickly as the words had come to him. After a pause, though not nearly one so long as a question like that deserved, Varric nodded.
"Yeah." It was strange to think optimistically and ran counter to every inclination he had, but he managed it well enough. "It's my home and, last I saw, it was...politely? In pieces. Many pieces.
"I'd like to go back, to help with reconstruction, but this Inquisition stuff is more important. I'm here until we're done, for better or worse; I just hope that Kirkwall's still standing by the time I head back."
He glanced at her and cocked a brow.
"Now, I can't say I'm too surprised that you don't want to go back to tending the fires in a Dalish camp, but that's just the storyteller in me. What's the point of a character arc if they end where they began, right?" Varric said casually. "You have any idea what you do want to do, you know, assuming we don't all die horrible deaths and the world ends?"
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For Sina
Of course, this is all dependent on Sina accepting Ellana's offer, so she now goes to find her to ask.
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When she sees Ellana approaching, she smiles at her over her mortar and pestle.
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"So would you like that? I thought that as someone on the Council, I could give the lessons."
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"That would be fine," she said, for added reassurance.
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For Merrick
Merrick isn't easy to find, especially alone. She spotted him at the First Day celebration surrounded by people he was swindling for money, so she had to wait. But today she manages to find him alone, and steels herself for a fight, or being ignored.
"Hello. Did you make a lot of money arm wrestling?"
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He isn't doing all that much to stay hidden, so Ellana can spot him easily enough. He glances up at her, expression hard to read, and shrugs.
"It was a good enough haul." Enough to get himself some new armor and a pair of blades, which he plans on shopping for soon.
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"It's strange earning money, after so long in the clan." But she likes earning it, and is still saving up for a lute of her own. After a moment's thought, she moves to sit on the wall with a person's width of space between them. Watching the soldiers train is a near-daily activity for her, so she doesn't pay them much attention right now.
"I've missed spending time with you," she admits quietly.
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He can't think of anything to say.
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"Merrick," she begins, "I'm so sorry. I know it was an invasion of your privacy, but I didn't want you to freeze. I would have listened to you if you weren't in danger of dying, I swear."
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His silence drags on even after she's finished speaking, stretching until the point of snapping before he finally responds.
"I'm not angry with you."
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For Gavin
"Gavin," she calls once she finds him. "Are you busy?"
For Galadriel
"Aneth ara," she greets warmly. "How are you today?"
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"I am well enough," Galadriel answered as she crossed the distance to the tree beside the barn. There was some darkness that haunted her but sunlight made banishing those thoughts easier.
The day was bright and beautiful, temperate despite the cold wind off the mountains, and the fact that Ellana had a book with her was unsurprising. The dappled light beneath the trees would have been perfect for reading, or simply for relaxation, and Galadriel could only smile as she stepped into the partial shade and alongside the Dalish elf. She did not sit, not at first, if only because the plain staff in her hands made it an awkward affair.
"And you, mellon nin, how does the day treat you?" Galadriel asked and leaned slightly to peer at the book in her hands. She had learned to read the letters of these lands, but the fondness for embellishment, particularly on the covers of these books, was often too much for her. Whatever Ellana had brought to read, Galadriel couldn't decipher it by cover alone, at least not with any ease.
"I hope I have not interrupted you, is your reading terribly important?"
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"Oh, this? It's important to me, but I can finish it any time. It's about old elven sites throughout southern Thedas. I want to familiarize myself with them, so I can explore them someday." She closes the book and sets it aside, more keen to speak with Galadriel at the moment. "Our civilization is all but lost, except for the broken down remnants left behind."
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"I did not realize there were elven accounts in the library. When I found only the common speech on the pages, I assumed the whole of it was penned by the hands of men," Galadriel admitted and, after a brief moment of consideration, propped her staff against the tree and moved to sit alongside the Dalish elf.
Ruins and broken remnants of older lands were not unusual things, not in any land, and Galadriel knew just how easily something could pass out of mind and be forgotten. Ultimately, all that was required to render cities, countries, even whole civilizations into myth and memory was time. It was something Galadriel lamented deeply, but it was not so deep a hurt that it could stay her curiosity.
"I have heard much about how the elves of Thedas lost everything, but I have not yet been told what was lost, nor how it came to pass. If recounting it does not bother you, I should like to know more about it all."
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"It is written by a human man," she says softly. "I haven't been able to find anything on the subject written by elves. Even the elven tales told by Gisharel Ralaferin weren't in a book published by him. He told the humans our stories so they would survive, and the humans published it. Many Dalish think he did wrong, but I don't. Whatever helps others understand us better is fine by me."
But the opportunity to spread elven tales to an elf from another world is one she won't take for granted. She immediately begins telling Galadriel what she knows of the ancient days.
"Our people were once the only intelligent race in Thedas, or Elvhenan as we called it. That means 'the place of our people,' and at that time we were immortal. We lived in beautiful cities, but our capital was at Arlathan. That means 'this place of love.' It was located in the Arlathan Forest, which is in the Tevinter Imperium today. After the elves came the dwarves, and we had no quarrel with them. Then came the humans, and it's said that their presence somehow caused us to lose our immortality. The humans conquered Arlathan and the whole of the empire, taking elves as their slaves. For centuries we lived that way, and as time passed, we lost more and more of our history."
Ellana pauses, allowing Galadriel to absorb all that. It's a hollow ache in her chest, to know so much is gone. Could some of it be recovered if she were to explore some of these ruins herself?
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Centuries? In mere centuries they had done this?
They had been reduced to slaves?
All too quickly the somber faces, the sadness and idle hope in the expressions of the elves here, were put into context. The weary warnings, the longing for a lost home, the delight she saw in them as she called them kin, all of it made far too much sense and Galadriel was struck silent.
It was not often that she found herself wanting of words, but long moments passed as she considered what she'd been told, what she'd seen of these elves, and she found nothing to say. She had been emphatic in her greetings, utterly assured that these elves would be counted among her people, that they were no farther in relation than the elves who refused to travel to Aman, and that opinion had not changed. When she had first seen the Dalish, she had taken comfort in the fact that, even diminished, mortal, and wandering, her people remained themselves. It cheered her, that they had not degenerated to the darkness, had not simply become another shade of mortal man, lost to time and the marring of the world. Now?
She found that there was far less comfort to take.
But, perhaps that wasn't entirely correct.
Galadriel glanced at the book and her brow dipped in thought. If the ruins were all that remained, it was no wonder she had been unable to find elven accounts among the books and scrolls the Inquisition kept. No such accounts existed. Yet, even without such things, Ellana found an opportunity for learning, for discovery, and it was hard to grieve in the face of such hope.
"And so you search for what remains?" Galadriel asked and looked back at Ellana.
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For Varric
Now she sits cross-legged on a table in from of the fireplace in the great hall, staring into the flames and remembering the clan. It may be that she's a little homesick, but not near enough to want to pack up and leave the Inquisition. In fact, now that she's away from the clan, she's pretty sure she doesn't want to return on a permanent basis. She'll visit, if they'll allow it, and the Keeper always lets Gavin come back, doesn't she?
She turns when she sees movement, and it's Varric coming to stand beside the fireplace. She offers him a smile, then asks, "Do you miss Kirkwall, Varric?"
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Out of habit (A terrible habit, but that was hardly surprising. Varric wasn't really the sort of dwarf who threw in with good habits.), Varric cracked his knuckles and stretched his hands toward the fire. Ellana was on the table and Varric came to an ambling stop, halfway between the cross-legged elf and the actual fire.
"It's a terrible place but it's home." He shrugged and cast a sidelong look at Ellana. She had a very pensive look about her, the sort of look that wanted conversation but wasn't quite 100% on what that conversation ought to be. Whatever had her staring at his (excessively stoked) fireplace, she was still mulling it over. "You planning a trip, Lilac? Because you should really choose a better destination than Kirkwall."
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"Not Kirkwall, no. I was just thinking about the places we've all left behind, whether we left to join the Inquisition, or had to leave for other reasons. For me, this is such a change. I've been with my clan my whole life." And there's nothing wrong with that; she's just always wanted more.
"I get letters from a few people back there, but I just found myself thinking of them, and what I would be doing right now if I was still there. Probably this." Ellana waves a hand towards the fire. "I kept the fires lit."
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"But, then again, if you were there, you'd be missing out on all of the end-of-the-world excitement and charming dwarven company," Varric added a moment later and rubbed his hands together in front of the fire.
In a more serious and less flippant tone, Varric continued: "It's not unusual to miss home, to miss the people left behind, even if your home is less exciting or, in my case, a cesspit with excellent architecture."
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"That's what I figured. Even if I don't want to go back, I miss them." Realizing what she's said, her head lowers a little. "I mean, I do want to go back eventually. To visit. I don't think I could go back and live there permanently again." Which probably isn't a surprise to the others in the clan. After Gavin, Ellana is the one most likely to run and not look back.
Only maybe she'll look back a little.
"Will you return to Kirkwall, after all this is over? And don't say anything like 'provided I survive.' Think positively."
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"Yeah." It was strange to think optimistically and ran counter to every inclination he had, but he managed it well enough. "It's my home and, last I saw, it was...politely? In pieces. Many pieces.
"I'd like to go back, to help with reconstruction, but this Inquisition stuff is more important. I'm here until we're done, for better or worse; I just hope that Kirkwall's still standing by the time I head back."
He glanced at her and cocked a brow.
"Now, I can't say I'm too surprised that you don't want to go back to tending the fires in a Dalish camp, but that's just the storyteller in me. What's the point of a character arc if they end where they began, right?" Varric said casually. "You have any idea what you do want to do, you know, assuming we don't all die horrible deaths and the world ends?"
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