faderift | [Closed] This isn't even my final form

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[Closed] This isn't even my final form

WHO: Anders and close CR
WHAT: Detlef makes his last appearance for some goodbyes in case, Anders gives some warnings, and basically he tries to prepare.
WHEN: Around this time, a little backdated for the ride, but generally 24th-ish
WHERE: Ride back from EDL and in Skyhold
NOTES: Anders.

[ooc: This is various starters for Detlef's end and Anders warning some friends and admitting things to another. If you'd like a starter, ping me at Nadat on plurk and I'll put one together!]

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Honestly, Bethany had spent most of her life between caring and worrying. Sometimes too much. Today though - today seemed like it was going to be an even balance.

"Well, that is why you are here, yes? To make things better." She gave him an encouraging smile, reaching out to squeeze his arm lightly.

A smile that fell for a moment, before it came back on. "Oh ..Detlef! That is wonderful!" Another pause, before she cleared her throat, "Not ... wonderful that all our lives are going to be in for a bit of tussle - but wonderful that you'll be safe in our ranks."

She gave him a longer look, with a firmer, "And you will be. Nathaniel and I won't let anything happen to you."

She'd always been able to be far more hopeful than him. Wonderful and safe weren't words he'd apply to the upcoming situation. They were both long shots at best, and tussle... But at least he's got another ally in this. When he'd decided, he'd been fairly certain he'd be alone. Now he knows he won't be and it's a guilty relief.

"As I told Nate, make sure you know the cost. Your situation is as precarious as his, even if it's different. You're a mage. You could be lumped in with the radicals." Despite the stern words, his voice is gentle. He's touched by what they're offering, and the confidence they have.

That was because of all the things that her father had taught her - how to be cautious, how to use her magic responsibly, how to focus and control it with pin-point perfection? He'd never taught her to be dismal about it. In a world where he could marry the woman he adored, and have three beautiful children? Malcolm Hawke knew that you took life as it came, and found happiness where you could.

Bethany believed that, whole heartedly.

"The cost is that Leliana might end up putting me in a prison cell next to yours." She stated calmly, "But she won't kill me, nor Nathaniel. The sad fact of that is that she, and Cassandra, and Cullen, respect Marian too much for that. You are the one whose life is in true peril, Detlef. The Wardens have been called many things, but in my time with them? No matter what one of us has done, we have never left them to die."

Edited (because proper wordage is awesome.) 2016-02-27 13:59 (UTC)

Whereas he'd been left to die by them before. Everyone had known what Rolan's goal was. ...But that's not this set of Wardens. Maybe they truly have changed for the better, and they'll protect Bethany. It's the best they can hope for.

Anders exhales slowly, nodding. "They left me. They were fine with attempts on my life from the inside. But you're far easier to get along with than I ever was." He doesn't regret the wise cracks, the snark, the jokes, any of that. Where Bethany is sweet, though, he'd been jagged edges from solitary confinement and the fear of going back. And she is also, as she's pointed out, Hawke's sister. He's lost his protection there, but Bethany won't. Can't. As long as rumors persist that Hawke is alive, and please let them be true, Bethany has a safety few other mages can ever claim.

"All I can truly ask is that you remember that whatever does happen, I accept it. I've no death wish, but we're out of the Circles. I've lived to see the beginning of freedom for us. That's more than I'd dared to hope."

Hope for the best ... then try to make it happen. It was sort of the Hawke way.

"Well, probably because I'm not making fun of them?" She gave him a wry smile, before she reached out to squeeze his arm again. It didn't matter how things were then, it was how they were now. She might be safe, but she wasn't going to let him get hurt.

"I know." Her voice is quiet. "But I won't let you be hurt in any situation that is not of your own choosing."

He doesn't have an answer for that, so he simply nods, looking down. Rather, he doesn't want to have an answer for that. Most of his life has been situations that weren't his choice. Turning himself in to the Grey Wardens is one that is a blend, his choice and Justice's, but it's still closer to his own decision than so many of the things he's dealt with.

Anders lifts a hand to rest it on hers for a moment. He's going to have to set some contingency plan up for her, too, just as he had for Nate. Somehow he'll figure it out.

"What else is there to do in the Deep Roads except try not to die and make fun of everything? Oh, and step into things I don't ever want to know what they were. That as well." Which she is now familiar with. Anders sighs. "And I'm... I'm sorry, Bethany."

She'd had no choice in becoming a Grey Warden, less than even he'd had. Normally it was better than death, but the way the distant song suffused everything anymore he wasn't quite so sure.

"Well there's the not pissing off the dwarves part. That's usually helpful. They also tell you where the mucky stuff is, so you don't step in it." Bethany looked over at him, her brown eyes warm for a moment, before they went serious at his statement.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Neither does my sister. You did the best that you could in a bad situation -- and between the two of you you saved my life. Whatever life I lead now in the Grey Wardens ... I'm grateful. I've helped so many people, and I'll be able to help so many more. I'll be a good example to mages who never went into a Circle. That Warden mages are valued and not abused, so perhaps Circles can become like Warden camps instead. I got to know about the Templar who saved Father's life, that Father never resented me but just wanted me to be a better mage. Would I have been able to do that, if I had died from the Blight?"

She shook her head, "No. You saved me. And in saving me you saved countless others. Don't ever apologize for that. Not ever."

Sometimes he managed to do the right thing, apparently. It's hard to see the positive ripple effects from time to time, but just the facts that mages can walk around right now, that she's alive and helping save lives, that there isn't fear surrounding here, stand as proof that he has helped.

Anders squeezes her hand for a brief moment. His perspective is rarely healthy. It helps to have people put it back in check, but saying something like that is not about to happen. Instead, he takes a shaky breath and nods.

"Then I'll not apologize for it again. And in the meantime there are... There are a few more people I should see to. If..." He frowns for a moment. She wants to believe that he'll be safe, but he can't risk that. "If things do not go well, don't take this as an obligation, but there's a young woman, Kallian, who could use something of an older sister. Or at the very least a friendly face."

Just in case, he can't make it a question. He doesn't want anyone to feel obligated to carry out some Last Request. Except for Bela sidelining Nate. That he feels no guilt about.

Bethany looked at Anders for a long moment, taking in what he's saying to her. He's talking as if he is not going to make it through this -- and she knows that he's afraid that they aren't right, that what they've tried to put in place won't be enough.

She's not that sunshine girl through and through. She's seen too much to blindly promise him that he shouldn't say such things. Instead, she takes his hands again, looking at him seriously, "If something happens to you, I will find Kallian again, and I'll make sure she's taken care of. I was an awfully good little sister, so I think I can manage an older one."

See, she'll just make the promise without being asked.

He nods, gratitude in his eyes. One person he's saved, helping another. And maybe things will turn out all right. He doesn't believe it, but he can't definitively say it won't happen.

"Thank you." It needs to be spoken too. He gives her a weak, tight smile, and then looks off to the side before back at her. "I've... I've a few more people to speak with." To say farewells to. It's probably obvious enough without him saying it.

"I'll..." see you around? See you later? Both could be entirely wrong. Anders nods again for lack of other words and will part when she's said anything else she wants to.

"You are very welcome." She squeezed his hand, before nodding and letting him go. She paused, then stated simply, "I'll be by your tent later. They'll probably want someone to watch over you. But for now ... go. Say goodbye. I hope it won't be forever."

She'd pray for it, even, although she knows how little Anders believes in prayer.

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[Closed] This isn't even my final form

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