[Closed] This isn't even my final form

[justice_is_blond]

WHO: Anders and close CR
WHAT: Detlef makes his last appearance for some goodbyes in case, Anders gives some warnings, and basically he tries to prepare.
WHEN: Around this time, a little backdated for the ride, but generally 24th-ish
WHERE: Ride back from EDL and in Skyhold
NOTES: Anders.

[ooc: This is various starters for Detlef's end and Anders warning some friends and admitting things to another. If you'd like a starter, ping me at Nadat on plurk and I'll put one together!]

Comments

/rolls in belatedly

[amygdalae]

Bruce glanced up from his work when he felt Detlef approach. Things, in a way, had been a bit more wary ever since he was forced to reveal his mage status to Detlef - but nobody had come after his head so far so Bruce assumed that the other hadn't spoken about it to anybody else. Which was... well, good. Hopefully. Cole and River knowing was one thing, but to have another person with those two--

It was a bit hard to not start thinking about exit plans.

"I think I can figure it out," he manages with a small smile. There seemed to be something off with Detlef, and while Bruce didn't want to pry, he also wanted to be sure it wasn't... well. That it wasn't anything related to what Detlef knew about him now. "Thank you."

Trying to bring it up was another thing entirely, though.

[justice_is_blond]

He knows a thing or two about exit plans but he's deliberately closing his off right now. It's a weird, isolating feeling. Bruce's smile draws him a little out of that, though. There's something... oh. It strikes Anders that maybe Bruce thinks the distance is because of the secret, and that's something Anders should cover before turning himself in. Mages should be feared, but Anders doesn't want other mages fearing him.

"I'm sorry. I've something going on and I'm a little distracted. Personal business." A beat. That might not be very comforting when Anders is taken into custody and worse, really. "If the one matter is on your mind, you needn't worry. Your secrets are your own, and I can't blame you for not wanting the life that comes with that being out."

Who would choose a mage lifestyle if they could hide? Almost no one would find the scrutiny a fair trade.

[amygdalae]

The reassurance helps quite a fair bit, to be perfectly honest. Bruce's smile widens a little, and his expression softens, looking almost abashed for being called out on. Being found out as a mage by other mages was one thing, but more importantly at least it wasn't being spread around. That was the more important thing for Bruce. He simply couldn't risk it.

"...thank you," he says after a pause, the relief audible in his voice. "I owe you for that, Detlef. If you ever need assistance that I can provide, don't be afraid to ask." He could do that much for him in return, for what the other has already done for him.

[justice_is_blond]

"There's nothing to thank me for. No one should have to live in fear." Not of being a mage, and certainly not of blackmail because they are one. Maybe one day they'll finally be free of it. Maybe one day peace will be true and not just for non-magical humans.

It's a shame he won't get to see it, but at least he's gotten to see the beginnings.

"If I could have..." Anders sighs and shakes his head, keeping his voice low. There's no one around, but if someone walks in, he doesn't want to be overheard. Bruce should have his cover. "One day no one will need to run because of how they were born. It is my greatest hope. But for now, at least, some progress has been made." It's just as much to himself as it is to Bruce. Remembering that will make all that is to come so much easier.

[amygdalae]

Although Bruce could understand why mages and magic were so feared, he could also understand Detlef's feelings on the matter too. Part of the reason why there was all this lashing out in the first place was because of the stigma that mages already had to deal with. It was deeply rooted at this point, and changing it was hard, but--

--as long as other mages could prove themselves helpful and try their best to foster better relations? Eventually something would come from their hard work.

"It will happen, as long as there's people who can show that its possible." He says that with a small smile, and one that he hopes is encouraging as well. "I think both you and Leblanc have been managing that reasonably well."

[justice_is_blond]

"Leblanc has."

He's quiet for a moment, idly picking at one of the herbs he'd brought. This isn't the place or time to speak, to admit anything, because he needs to reach the Wardens if he's to not cost the mages too much. But he's tempted.

"I've a past, Bruce. No one wise will look to me as any sort of example. But there are others who will do better." They've got the opportunity and the motivation. Now they just need to take them and run with it. It's all he can ask for.

Anders shakes his head and exhales, almost chuckling.

"I'm feeling optimistic today, clearly. My apologies."

[amygdalae]

Detlef may not wish to say anything, but in a way Bruce can understand. He has a past of his own too, one that he'd rather not talk about himself, but its why he is what he is now. Why he dislikes using his magic even though he knows it can do good, why he distances himself from being a mage, why he tries so hard to prove that he can do anything without relying on his magic. They all have their own pasts - and if Detlef didn't want to share it, then Bruce would respect that.

"There's nothing wrong with bring optimistic," he assures the other, still doing his best keep the encouragement going. He doesn't know what is bothering Detlef, but he does want to help however he can - it was the least he could do, right now. "There's enough negativity going on right now as it is. Perhaps what we do need is some optimism."

[justice_is_blond]

Apparently his sarcasm is lost on Bruce, but that's fine by Anders. He doesn't want to drag people down. That's why he's moving forward, despite feeling absolutely terrified, numb, and sick at alternating moments.

"It would be nice to find some. It's been... some time. But perhaps I'm not looking in the right place."

He shakes his head and exhales, trying to end his moodiness before it truly spiraled downward. Justice was satisfied with this. He was at peace, even. Shouldn't that make it easier? Except Justice had never wanted to live in this world the way Anders had. All Anders had ever wanted, all he'd gotten, he'd also had taken away. He just... it doesn't matter. Not anymore.

"Maybe I'll find it while I attend to matters. But if you discover a source of optimism, let me know. Maybe I'll be able to share in it."

[amygdalae]

Bruce gives a nod. "I'll be certain to do that."

He doesn't know how well that would help with whatever Detlef had in mind, but if it could aid him in anyway, then Bruce would do his best. Again, it was the least he could do in return for the favour that the other was doing for him. He owed Detlef a lot.

"Whatever it is, I wish the best for you."

[justice_is_blond]

Would he if he knew the truth? Anders doesn't know, but he'll take the man at his word. Bruce deserves that respect.

"Thank you." He'd add something about continuing to do well, or... something along those lines, but anything like that would sound too final, rouse too many suspicions, so instead Anders nods.

"Until next time, Bruce." There might not be one. But at least he'd met the man, and that had been nice.