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"Right before the mission to the island," Cyril responds. He's very careful to keep his voice and face neutral, but Sam knows him well enough by now to see the tension in his shoulders hinting to hidden emotion. "He's here because... Well, because Sina is deteriorating and he wanted to be here to help her."

His eyes are a bit distant as he considers that. "Huh." So it's been a little over a month; he had completely missed that happening and hadn't seen him at all. When he finally looks back he notices the change, noting the tension in Cyril's shoulders and hands even if he's trying to pretend nothing is wrong - little late for that.

The question is what was Cyril upset about? Was this about Sorrel being here - after all that happened with the Clan - or was it a segue towards talking about what was wrong with Sina? "It's good that he has," he starts. Before he can anything else one of the servers comes back inquiring about what they want to order. "Um..." he pauses, looking at Cyril to see if they want to just talk or if he does need something in front of him.

Cyril does order some things, but mostly because he feels like he should spend money and support the people who work here. He flirts a bit with the server too, because that's just natural to him, but he's sure to keep it very light so there's an understanding he's just here for the food and drink.

Once he and Sam are alone again, Cyril briefly considers telling Sam about Sorrel's drunken confession of affection towards him but thinks the better of it. He hasn't shared that moment with anyone, and he doesn't want to start now.

"When we were younger, I was sure that Sorrel was more like me than he let on. That he wanted the company of other men just as much as I did. I probably would have done what I normally do and act on that suspicion if not for Merrick and the chance that doing so would break the heart of the Keeper's son." That was a way to talk about what he actually feels without exposing Sorrel's moment of weakness.

"Then I left the Clan, dealt with my inappropriate feelings towards Merrick, found you and Taas." And Iskandar, but he's not ready to admit that Iskandar is at the same level as the other two yet. His hand pats the piece of dragon tooth he wears under his clothes, reminding himself that Taas is still his, even if he's no longer nearby.

"When we returned to the Clan though, my suspicions about Sorrel were strengthened." And confirmed, but again he's not touching that moment. "But then he married Sina and I thought he would never have a chance to act on those feelings."

Alcohol appears in front of him so he gulps a bit of it down after smiling his thanks to the server. He already feels odd explaining all of these complicated feelings - even if it's to Sam, someone he trusts implicitly.

Sam likewise orders a drink, but only a drink; he comes in regularly enough that he doesn't feel the need to order too much, and even if he indulged he never did enough to get drunk - not to mention he'd have to keep an eye on Cyril if considering he didn't drink period.

He lets Cyril talk, lets him take him time to find his words, mull over what he wanted to say, while raising a brow or humming in response to indicate he was listening. He's not particularly surprised by what he is hearing, the topic of sexuality and the Clan seems to be a topic that comes up a lot between them.

When the drinks are set on the table Sam raises a brow at just how fast Cyril was grabbing the glass and taking a taste. Thankfully he wasn't straight out downing it. Once they're alone again, Sam gives a sigh and rubs the back of his neck, trying to piece together what Cyril was trying to get at here.

"So... you know Sorrel likes men and you... have a thing for him?" That was the only reason he can figure why Cyril brought up finding him and Taas in this whole thing.

"No," Cyril responds after he swallows the drink and grimaces a bit at the taste. Nothing against the quality here, of course, he's just not used to drinking. Then he reconsiders the answer and realizes he doesn't wish to lie to Sam.

"Yes." Another pause. "Maybe?"

He sighs and slumps down a bit. "No. Definitely. Yes. I definitely have a thing for him. But I also shouldn't have a thing for him."

He grabs his drink and sips a bit more at it.

Cyril's initial answer has the mage raising a brow, but it eventually lowers when the elf continues on, going back and forth. Honestly if it wasn't that then Sam was definitely lost as to what was the issue going on.

Humming lightly, Sam takes a sip of his own drink, actually enjoying it - it had taken quite a bit of trial and error to find one he liked. After a moment he slides it towards Cyril. "Maybe try this one, it's a bit sweeter." He didn't want Cyril to get black out drunk, but if he was going to drink it was better it was something more palpable.

"You shouldn't have a thing for him because... he's married? The Clan's First?" He was still part of the Clan, right?

Cyril takes the cup with thanks and sips at it carefully before deciding that he does indeed like this one better.

"Well, yes to all of that but also because I would only hurt him. I'm not... I'm not the sort of man who would be healthy for him."

Since Cyril seems to like it he'll just let him have it, and he's not too worried about not having drink; he might have to bother for some water eventually.

Once more Sam's brows raises up at what Cyril is saying. "... Why do you say that?"

"Because not everyone is like us. In fact, Sam, I'm sure you've noticed, but most people think you find one person and that one person is supposed to be the only one for you."

He makes a face at the idea and drinks a bit more of Sam's drink. "I was so lucky to find you because you understand that I can care for you just as much without only being yours, and that you were able to find Kirk too."

"Sorrel, however. He's likely more like the rest of them. And it would be his first. I don't want him to love me and find that I can't give him what he likely needs."

"Well... sure I noticed. That's how I was raised and thought originally." Okay, maybe he did need that drink; he's still going to let Cyril have his drink so instead he reaches over and takes the one Cyril originally ordered and takes a sip. At this point he's drank enough through the years to learn not to make a face; it was alcohol and it would suffice for now.

Despite how serious the conversation is, Sam cannot help but smile slightly at the face Cyril makes. "You know it isn't terrible that people think that way, that you find one person and love them, it's just different. Just like how you look at relationships is different.

If Sorrel is one of those who just wants one person at a time... you can't fault him for it. And he shouldn't be angry with you if you can't do the same. You're not something that is 'unhealthy', Cyril, but it isn't something either of you should get into without talking about first. If neither one of you can do what the other asks though... probably best not to. Doesn't mean you can love the other less." There's a pause as Sam takes a drink, this time actually making a face seeing as he wasn't paying attention.

"It's moot right now," Cyril admits. "He's faithful, Sam. Even though Sina has just as much interest in men that he does in women. He isn't going to want to do anything until..."

He frowns, and feels terrible. He's here whining about wanting to touch Sorrel while Sina slowly wastes away.

"Well, until they two of them talk or her shard has its way with her."

Sam sighs. He was purposefully not touching on the grim part of the subject since it was already complicated on it's own, but there it was. He takes another drink.

"I suppose you'll have to wait until... then." 'Then' either being they talk or after it happens. Ugh, he hates thinking like that, but he was the one that needed to keep a level head since Cyril came to him for help. "I still think you need to talk with him before anything though."

A pause. "... Is Sorrel going to stay with us, or will he going back to the Clan... eventually?" Another thing he hates to bring up, throw into the mix, but it's important.

Edited 2017-10-22 23:49 (UTC)

"I think he plans to return to the Clan, but I desperately want him to stay." He sipped at the drink for a moment, as he considered the way he worded that and how honest it had been. "Not just because I want to be near him, though. I feel like escaping the Keeper is one of the best things to happen to so many of us. Pel is thriving, Beleth is a division head, Merrick has gone to find his own way... I want to see the man that Sorrel becomes when he's allowed to be who he wants to be, not the forced costume of himself his mother insists on cramming him into."

"I want him to have experiences she wouldn't approve of. I want him to experience pleasure and affection and be allowed to spread his wings. I want see who he becomes when he's allowed that. I bet he'd be beautiful."

Edited 2017-10-23 00:18 (UTC)

With that information, Sam hums lightly and momentarily loses himself in his drink, idly sipping at it, mostly using it as a separation to give him time to think about that. All the elves who had left the clan were doing better, but from he had learned from all of them, especially Cyril, it wasn't easy to just leave the Clan. Sorrel would probably have the hardest time, being the son of the Keeper and the First. It took a lot of time to teach someone the ways of the Keeper and starting fresh...

"Sounds like even more reason for you to talk to him, before you get into anything. That would be a lot on both of you if he does decide to return." It was one thing if they did do something and couldn't come to an agreement on how to see each other, but adding the Clan to the whole thing. Sam doesn't want Cyril to put himself through that.

"When I try to talk to him about staying with us, he gets upset. I don't like upsetting him." Cyril blinks and sips again at the drink. He's starting to feel it. He hardly ever drinks so he's a total lightweight.

"I want to support him. I can't tell him how to live his life. I believe each of us needs the freedom to make our own way."

"Hm." As he listens, Sam idly twists the stem of his glass between his fingers. Sorrel could feel conflicted and thus didn't want to talk about it, which made sense.

"I hate to say it, Cyril, but if you cannot talk to him about that decision going back to the Clan... if that's what he is going to do, it might be better if you don't pursue anything... That wouldn't be fair to either one of you."

"I'm not going to pursue anything. Not matter how much I want to touch him and kiss him, I'm not going to."

Sam blinks at that, fingers stilling on the glass. Wait a minute, if Cyril wasn't going to then- "You just wanted to talk to get this off your chest?" He's double checking. If that was the case then he feels a little foolish, giving advice thinking that's what Cyril was looking for.

Cyril sighed and then shrugged. "I don't know what I wanted, if I'm honest. That's why I suggested drinking. I feel like my chest is a bunch of jumbles and I need someone to help me sort through it."

"Ah." Alright, feeling less foolish now, but it doesn't uncomplicate things. He's quiet for a moment once more, staring at his drink. "You know... if Iskandar was here he'd probably say just to tell Sorrel how you feel. You can only work through something if you start someplace."

Cyril bites his lip and nods. He drinks once more and then sort of sways as he thinks that over.

"I think what I want to do, ultimately, is help Sorrel realize he'd be better here, with us. In the Inquisition, I mean. Then I want to find a nice elf boy for him to experience pleasure and attraction with. And encourage him to use that opportunity to learn more about his own desires and how to embrace them."

He sighed, glad to have sorted at least that out. "And then I'll just quietly wish I was that elf boy."

At seeing Cyril sway, Sam sets his drink to the side to pay better attention; he even moves his chair a little bit closer just in case.

"You sound a little jealous of 'nonexistent elf boy in the future'," he teases lightly, bringing a hand up to lightly rub at Cyril's wrist. "If that time comes... you can have a different conversation with him. If he can only do the monogamous thing then... yeah you help find him someone, but you shouldn't do it for him."

"I sound jealous?" Cyril asks and frowns at that. He hates that idea. He prides himself on not being jealous of the people he cares for. He has literally seen Kirk and Sam living together and only feels pleased at the thought that Sam has someone else around to care for him. The idea that he would be jealous of a hypothetical man who was with Sorrel bothers him.

He sighs, blowing his breath out so hard his bangs flap a bit. "That seems so crass doesn't it? It will be after his wife has died."

He doesn't chuckle, but the look Cyril gives certainly makes Sam want to. "Nothing wrong with getting jealous, Cyril. How you let it affect you and how you deal with it is important though." He's sure Cyril has gotten jealous before but possibly hadn't realized it? Maker, it was part of being a kid most of the time. "I get jealous," he adds. Helpfully?

"Maybe a little. Talking about the time after a person dies is like that. But you are thinking of Sina and not wishing her ill. You just want Sorrel to be happy in the future." So long as Cyril didn't plan on doing it like as soon as she was in the ground, because that would be super crass.

Cyril wishes there was a way for Sina to live. Considering what he had discovered about her, he thought the two of them could have come up with an understanding.

He wants to talk a bit more about that, but he gets side tracked. "You get jealous? Of what?"